My Ramblings

what's my style?

2009-08-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

At church we just started a sermon series called "You've got Style." Basically it explores the different ways that we worship and draw close to God. It's something that seems to pop up every year or two at Bristol Road, and it's because we are always changing as a church family. How can we not constantly be changing as we grow in Christ? I've tried on so many "styles" over the years, there are times when I wonder which style is really my own? I guess I haven't found it yet, or else I would know, right?
I hear people talk about the countless ways they find God: in worship..through song, or by keeping a journal, or in nature, or at home..alone in prayer, or by reading their Bibles. I find God through all of these methods to a certain extent, but I just don't know what really gets me on fire for Christ. I feel close to God when I meditate on Him. In those moments when I really sit and think about my faith and examine the flaws I want to change in myself are when I feel honest and vulnerable. Being vulnerable has never been easy for me, so the fact that I can do that with God is a big deal.
Then there are times when I wonder if I'm really feeling close to God or I just think I should be feeling close to Him. Sometimes I almost wish I hadn't grown up in the church...almost. Don't get me wrong. I'm so grateful for my parents, who are the best examples I could ask for, and I feel so blessed that they always made religion and faith apart of my life. But, there are times when I find ti hard to separate what I truly feel and what I think I should feel because I've always had God in my life. I remember when I was a little girl, and I really wanted to be baptized, probably when I was about 8, but my parents wanted me to wait. They just wanted to make sure I knew what I was committing to, and I think they were right...only do we ever really understand what that decision entails. I was baptized at a young age, 11 to be exact. I think about it now, and it was the best decision I could have ever made. But now, at 22, I see the significance of that act more clearly than 11 years ago when I first made the commitment. But let's say for argument's sake I'd wait until I was 18, when I legally became an adult, well I've learned a lot about myself in the past 4 years too. I think the easiest comparison is a marriage. At the alter do the bride and groom completely understand the commitment they are making? I mean, yes, they know it is forever, but they have no idea how it will change over time and how intimately connected they will become? How could you? As we get older we change. We have to learn how to communicate effectively in order to grow together. Well, after we commit to Christ in baptism, we have to constantly communicate with Him too through His word and prayer. When do we ever stop growing in our relationship with Christ? Never. It's crazy to think how much I continue to evolve in my faith. I still have so much to learn about myself in Christ. I struggle all the time. I often feel cold, like I'm just going through the motions by going to church and saying my prayers at night. So, what's my style? I really don't know, but it doesn't scare me as much as it used to because at the core of it all I love the Lord, and He is in my heart. ..that is all.

don't judge me

2009-07-08T21:10:00.001-07:00

Alright, I admit that I use this phrase all the time. Usually, it directly follows something lame that I do or say when I see a quizzical look thrown my way, and it's said in fun. However, I really got to thinking tonight about how we as Christians are often accused of being too judgmental. I was called "shoes" in high school-- short for goody two shoes-- and did I mention this was a private, "Christian" school full of "good kids"? Sure, it was all in jest and said in a teasing, loving kind of way, but I've always been accused of being the kind of person that is "boring" because of my lack of activities. I've dealt with crude nicknames on and off over the last decade or so, usually trying my best to laugh them off, just hoping my prosecutors would lose interest as soon as they saw in didn't phase me. I just don't think it's right. How can you tease a person for doing something good? What's wrong with people now-a-days?

I'll never forget during my waitressing days when the cooks found out about my religious beliefs. One of them came out from behind the grill looking me up and down. When I asked what he was doing he simply replied, "I've never seen a 20 year old virgin. In fact, I didn't know they existed; you must be a unicorn because I don't think you're real." The remainder of the night and week every male employee called me "unicorn" saying, a 20 year old virgin who'd never drank alcohol or smoked before must be some kind of mythological creature.

Here's where my confusion comes into the picture. I've been teased relentlessly over the years for the choices I have made. Now, I'm proud of my morals and beliefs, and I'm not ashamed of any decisions I've made in life. Not that I've ever claimed to be perfect because I've made a lot of stupid decisions that I wish I hadn't. Trust me, I'm not perfect at all, but I don't regret those choices because I learned from my mistakes and still do every day. Ask my family and close friends and I'm sure they could tell you just how imperfect I really am. Yet, people have told me they feel uncomfortable around me, like they're not good enough since they've made different decisions in regards to sexual purity, underage drinking, and smoking--those are the top three categories that seem to grab peoples' attention when it comes to my life.

So, here I am being gossiped about and teased for making good choices; then being accused of judging people who make different decisions. I have never told someone they were wrong for having sex out of marriage, and I have never condemned anyone for underage drinking, only expressing my concern to a few close friends over the years more for their safety than anything else. I admit I give my friends a hard time about smoking occasionally, but it's a disgusting habit, which is so bad for you. I mean, it's expensive, makes you smell bad, and will cause you health problems later on in life. But, why is it that my choices are so interesting? It disgusts me how often people talk about them. I know I've rare, but does my decision to remain a virgin until I'm married really need to be a discussion when people first get to know me? It's not like I want to know how many sexual partners a person has when we first become acquainted. I guess I'm frustrated because it's a label that people slap me with that's usually followed by one of the following comments: "That must suck" or "She's missing out" or "She needs to get laid asap."

People are more judgmental of me for my lack of experiences. It's rude and insulting to be honest. I'm not making fun of your life style, so lay off mine, okay? What kind of world do we live in when you're ridiculed for trying to do what you think is right? It makes me sick thinking about it. People always bash religious people, and I'm not saying that religion is perfect. It's not, because man is imperfect and messes it up sometimes. However, it's a little hypocritical to judge us by just writing us off because you think we're judging you. It's a stupid cycle. I want to share my beliefs sure, but I can't force them on you and would never try to do that.

What a long vent this has turned out to be...I guess my point is that people always say religious people judge them for living a "sinful life" but isn't true that all religions seemed to get labeled by this generalization? I mean, everyone has some judgemental tendencies-both religious and nonreligious. Shouldn't we all just keep our opinions to ourselves? We can live our own lives the way we choose, without being teased, nagged, told we're doomed to a less than desirable afterlife, etc. Love the person, without writing them off for their flaws-no matter what they may be...that is all.

The Great Gatsby

2009-06-08T17:34:00.000-07:00

I was blessed with an opportunity to teach American Lit. and Honors American Lit. at Grand Blanc High School for the past month. This experience taught me a lot about myself and my abilities as a teacher. I had so much fun with my students. The theme of this marking period is "The American Dream" as seen from different perspectives. The final piece of literature just happened to be The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald--a book I read on my own when I was about 15. I used to read books all the time in high school, which I enjoyed but never really looked at for meaning, foreshadowing, symbolism, etc. I really enjoyed it 7/8 years ago, but to teach it I reread it over the weekend then started it in class Monday morning...haha It was great. It is easily one of my favorite books, top ten material for sure. And my students were fantastic, and it was so much fun to think of things to discuss with them and different projects, assessments, games, etc. That's all I have time to briefly mention right now...wow, my life has been so crazy lately. I can't wait for summer to get started! haha ..that is all.

summer reading

2009-05-05T06:23:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how fast May snuck up on me. It's funny to see all my friend's facebook statuses revolving around job plans, jobs, vacations, etc. I chuckle because they are celebrating the beginning of summer as college students, but here I am, a college graduate, on a high school schedule? My summer won't even start for about 5 weeks. If you're getting a bitter vibe then you misread me. I'm not bitter in the least, but rather, I find it quite humorous. One thing that is nice about the first week of May is the weather. I shudder to think if I'm jinxing it right now by saying how wonderful the sunshine and temperatures gravitating in the high 60s, low 70s have been the past week, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

So, since the weather is turning to summer norms I've decided to follow suit and kick off my summer now in one aspect. During my summers I tend to catch up on all the reading I miss out on during the school year. It has been typical in the past to fill my September-December with homework, lesson plans, papers, etc. then relax over Christmas break in order to regain just enough strength to get right back at it January through the first week of May. Now..the 2nd week of May (after 5 days of sleeping in and doing next to nothing) is when I tend to start working full-time and reading everything I wanted to all year long. This year is already different of course. I read a book every few days on average since I spend my weekdays behind another teacher's desk substitute teaching I have the time to read. However, I want to make a summer goal that I read 50 books. I've been looking over a lot of booklists complied by different educators and magazines and weeding out those I've already covered over the years. I want to get a mix of 10-15 newer books, a representation of multiple countries and cultures, and even a few books that I'm "too old for." Sometimes books designed for adolescents can be fantastic reads. I figure that if I tackle two to three books every week I can handle 50 easily.

It takes me back to elementary school when my teachers would challenge us to read over the summer. I can still recall Mrs. Pearson giving me a beach ball to record all the books I read then upon bringing it back in September I was rewarded with a gift certificate to get even more books. She is one of the rare teachers who really touch the lives of her students. I think that summer helped fan my passion for books. Well, that and my mother always reading with me. I wish kids today read more books because they really do miss out on a lot merely scanning the Internet and skimming sparknotes for answers in school. I'll try and keep you posted on my booklist decisions and if I'm keeping up with my goal. :)

rain

2009-04-25T20:11:00.001-07:00

I know a lot of people hate the rain. Let's be honest: it's annoying to drive in, messes up great hair, forms puddles and mud...everywhere, and ruins perfectly good outdoor plans. However, I love storms, and the way they smell, look, sound, and even taste. Rain cleanses everything and washes away the dirt and pain from the past...I'm speaking for literally and figuratively.
Things lately have been so crazy. I think God must sit up in Heaven and just laugh sometimes. I think I have everything figured out, and the funny part is I wasn't even trying to figure things out for once, but then...bam! God throws me a curve ball and, while hitting me smack in the head, says, "No, this is what I want you to do."
Today started sunny, warm, with hardly any wind. It was a beautiful morning. Then bam! out of no where it was pouring rain, wind speeds increased, thunder boomed throughout the sky, and lightning flashed across the clouds. Such a drastic change might seem alarming or even frightening, but I look at it as a clean slate...maybe even as a new beginning. I can't wait to see what happens after the storm of my life ends, when the last raindrops fall and I regain visibility. It's so exciting...that is all.

spring cleaning

2009-04-04T15:17:00.001-07:00

I have never been very good at throwing things away. It's a trait I picked up from my mother, but I keep everything! In the past I've had some minor spring cleaning episodes in which I will spend an entire afternoon combing through my belongings and throwing away my clutter..filling far too many garbage bags. However, it's weird because as soon as a drawer is cleaned out and only half full I find other things to take the place of the junk I just threw away. Moving out is in my near future and so today I decided to take a real stab at spring cleaning. I decided to take it week to week--one area of my room being tackled every Saturday afternoon until I've conquered everything.

Today, I started with my desk. It was funny to pull out each drawer and look at everything. I had pictures from high school and even middle school...seriously, I was so awkward back then. When the next secretary or student tells me I look young enough to still be in high school I should pull out a picture from my freshman year and say, "I hope I don't still look like this..." sophomore and junior years weren't too awful. Senior year was fine, but wow, I think I look so young. Not that this is a bad thing. Then I found old notes, tests, and papers from those days. I think the oldest were from 7th or 8th grade then I found a folder with everything I did sophomore year in English. Next, there was a folder from senior year: chemistry notes and wedding plans...you see we did a marriage project in Bible that year. I couldn't help but chuckle when I read some of the papers I wrote back then. There were also mementos dating back to my planner from sophomore year, funky pens, notes, and random nick-nacks bringing back inside jokes and so many memories.

Here is were things took a bit of a turn. I found some things from my college days. A few notes, pictures, a putt-putt golf scorecard, a book of abc's, etc.--basically things from the past that I could never bring myself to get rid of. It was so tempting to look over things and think back to happy memories from the first 2 1/2 years of college, but that relationship is over and to look back on it now is still kind of painful, so I shoved it all away without dwelling on it for too long.

However, after that I couldn't help but think about the spring cleaning I'd done in my life in regards to that situation. By getting rid of all the emotions that used to weigh me down I was finally free. The stress and heartache that tore me apart inside for so long. Outside I was strong and tried to put everything that had happened for the past2, or even 4 years behind me, thinking: if I pretend long enough soon this facade will just become a reality. I fooled a lot of people around me. I even fooled myself sometimes, but in the end I couldn't stop caring for a long time. When you really love and care about a person you don't listen to those around you, you do what you want. You let that person stay in your life, sometimes even running it, when you should just cut him/her out. Now, normally this would be a good thing--loving and caring about someone. However, in this situation as long as I cared I allowed myself to get walked on and used. Part of this was due to the fact that I wanted to be apart of his life and hoped that I might help to make him a better person, not to say he was a bad person, but we all need to be pushed and challenged in order to grow. I used to think he and I might do this for each other. It wasn't until I did some "spring cleaning" of sorts on myself that life really got better. It was difficult to do too. I did not want to let go. I held on for so long because I wanted things to turn out the way I had hoped they would. But I finally cut out communication, that was easier than I thought it would be too. After walking on eggshells for about a year and always apologizing for trying to be a friend, it was nice not having to deal with those stressful situations every day--I no longer spent time wondering what a coversation or an afternoon spent together meant.

Part of me is sad about the way things have to be, but I'm happy and it occurred to me that happiness wasn't in the future as long as I stayed on that path. I still pray for that person, but now I worry about my own happiness first and it's been working out a lot better...that is all.

march madness

2009-03-29T14:10:00.000-07:00

I have always loved watching and playing sports, and the NCAA tournament is one of the highlights of my year. My heart races as I fill out a bracket and my eyes are glued to the television from the tip off of the first game until the clock expires in the final showdown. College sports are so fun to watch! It's funny to think how a lot of these players are my age or even younger now. You can see the nerves they are experiencing and the heart they bring to the court/field. The another part about college basketball that I love is the upsets. I love hearing the commentators make all these predictions before the tourney begins then....surprise! Some other team shows up and blows a #1 seed out of the water. Oh and it's even better when you watch the pregame show and they are discussing the two teams and who is favored. They will say something like, "Louisville is the team favored to win this game--they are faster, better at defense, and have a higher shot percentage. However, if MSU can slow them down they might be able to steal the win away from the Cards." It's like David and Goliath or something--oh and I love how they say "steal the win away" because the game hasn't even started but apparently a 2 seed could never compare to a 1 seed...hmm. I'm a Michigan fan personally, but I root for all the big ten teams as long as they're not playing the Wolverines.

So, here's my hats off to all the great basketball played so far this year...I can't wait to see how it all turns out!

...that is all. :)

childhood books

2009-03-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

Alright..so...I like to read. I don't really think that's a secret or anything. I mean I did get my degree in English Education, so it seems fairly obvious that I don't hate it. Back when I was in high school I would read all the time. Usually just during my free time at school, and sometimes the books were way over my head, and I had no idea what I was even reading. Did you ever do that? You know...read a book when you were younger that you didn't understand, but you wanted to put it down on your "books I've read" list. I laugh about it now because I've run into a few of those when I work in high schools and I see myself 8 years ago. Well, lately I've taken the opposite route. I've been rereading those books from middle school basically...maybe even a few from 4th and 5th grade too. I usually can knock one out during one subbing gig. Some of these youthful reads are: "The Giver," "The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankwiler," "Maniac Magee," "Lord of the Flies," and I'm reading all the Harry Potter books for the second time too. It's so much fun to take a trip down memory lane through reading. It reminds me why I fell in love with books in the first place. I owe a lot of that to my mom. We used to read together at night. I can still remember climbing onto the couch with her and reading the American Girl series on Molly. I then read the others by myself: Samantha, Felicity, Addy, and Kirsten. I used to climb into my bed and read until I fell asleep. Sometimes I would hold my eyes open..literally, so I could finish the next chapter. I miss those simple days when I had nothing but time to read, especially during the summers when night came, and I had to stop playing outside.
So, I encourage you to pick up a book you read as a child and revisit it...that is all. :)

Lost

2009-02-28T21:09:00.000-08:00

Alright, I have to come clean. I caved in after 4 1/2 years and started watching Lost a few weeks ago. I remember when EVERYONE was watching it during its first 2 seasons, but I guess I'm always behind the times because I didn't start watching back then. College life always kept me very busy and one thing I did know was this was the type of show you had to commit to. If you miss one episode you'll be "lost." haha Now, the show has lived up to all the hype because I am hooked. I watched the first 3 seasons in about 3 weeks, and trust me: I don't sit at home every night watching it. I am fairly busy with other things. However, I always watch a few when I come home from school before going out at night and Saturday morning reads got cut in half and shared with watching Lost.

If you're not familiar with the show then, in just a few words, it revolves around survivors from a plane crash: Oceananic Flight 815. There are about 45 people who crash on what appears to be a deserted island in the Pacific. However, soon they run into all sorts of problems while attempting to be rescued like a smoke monster, "the others", betrayal, treachery amongst one another, etc. Sure, that sounds like it might be very corny, but it's really not. The thing I like the most about it is that I can't predict what's going to happen and often I'm surprised.

I haven't enjoyed a tv show this much in a long time. That is all...

goodbye January

2009-01-31T15:38:00.001-08:00

January 31, 2009

I can't believe was fast this month was gone by and how many things have happened. I guess I will devote this blog to the past 31 days.

Subbing is going well. It's not my dream job, but being around high school students every day is at least a step closer than any other jobs I have had. I keep wondering if I should get a second job a few nights a week or maybe on the weekends. So far I have not been that motivated.

I worked at Rochester High School for the second time yesterday. As much as I love the schools down that way I usually don't work there. It makes little sense since it is a longer drive and less money than the districts this way pay. Something I will say about RHS is that it's the kind of school I would love to work at. They have so much school spirit and tradition. In high school I was one of those students who did everything and loved every minute of it...okay, well 95% of it. haha I think the 5 years between now and my high school days have taken the shape of rose colored glasses in regards to some of the negatives of my high school career. However, I really did enjoy high school while I was there, not that I want to go back and relive it at all. I do have some great memories though.

I started reading Harry Potter for the second time. I read all the books during May of 2007, waiting until July for book 7 of course. Book 7 is the only one that I have read twice, and that is simply because I got it at 2a.m. then read it so quickly I missed parts. I had to go back the next two days and slow down to get the whole effect of the book. When I'm subbing I always take a book with me, so it's nice to have my HP and really take my time.

I also love that I'm getting ever closer to my cousin Katie. She is one of my favorite people because she is so real. She has a great sense of humor and heart. I can't wait to see what great things lie in her future. It's weird to think she'll be off at college next year. I'm so excited for her!

A lot of other things happened in January, but I don't want to put every detail of my life up here. I'm so excited for the future: February, March, and so on. It's funny because I have no idea what it holds and that would usually scare me. I guess someone is rubbing off on my a lot lately and I'm learning to roll with the punches...and cancel sub jobs in order to get better ones. :) haha Kind of an inside joke...that is all.

Substitute Teaching

2009-01-17T10:12:00.000-08:00

So, can I just start by saying substitute teaching is...interesting? Yes, I think that might be a good adjective for now. In the past month I have been in 8 different schools, and I've taught over one-thousand students ranging in age from 12-19. Most days I try to teach some sort of English class, but that is not always the case. I have also subbed in business, psychology, physical education, architecture, special education, social studies, civics, etc. classes. There are just so many it's hard to think back and remember them all. Things I have learned: I love working with students. I hate having to be strict, but a great deal of the time students want to challenge the substitute, which is often the case when the students see how young I am. (Not that they know my actual age! I've had students guess any where from 18 to 35. Like I look 35! That's a laugh.) I've also noticed that office secretaries are the glue of a school. I think I already knew that to some extent, but any doubts I might have had are gone, and I am certain they are calling all the shots. Boys are more immature that girls as a general rule in 7th-12th grade. I'm not trying to be sexist by any means because there are always exceptions, but I'm sorry guys, at that age I don't think you can really help it anyways. It's funny how much high school hasn't changed since I was there. I know I've only been out for 4 1/2 years, but I don't think HS will ever really change that much. Some can argue how we live in a different world now than 5 or 10 years ago. I would have to agree, but I'm sorry, schools are still the same. yes, teachers might have to struggle more to keep the attention of a class, but, really, at the core...kids are the same. They think teachers give too much work and most of them hate their job and enjoy torturing the students. They think the world revolves around them and many have no idea how small they are. That's a lesson learned in college....I know this is more a jumble of random thoughts rather than an organized blog entry, but I'm sure I'll be talking about my journey this semester more in the near future....that is all, for now at least.

Cliche

2009-01-01T14:51:00.000-08:00

January 1, 2009

It's hard to believe I started this blog a year ago. I somehow feel obligated to write something about the new year today. I mean it's 2009. I bet I mess up and write 2008 for a week or so before I get it through my head that it's a new year. A fresh beginning as some might say. It is cliche perhaps and traditional to think of a resolution to go along with the new year. I've never been that great at thinking of these things. It's funny to think how the people who spend a great deal of time thinking about something to strive for in the new year actually seem to be the least likely to stick with it. If someone decides to lose weight they will probably fix their diet for a few weeks at best and hit the gym, but then slowly but surely they will have those late night snacks and hide in their houses during a snow storm to avoid traveling out to the gym. Often saying something along the lines of, "I'll just take this one day off. I did have a rough day at work."
So, what should I strive for? As silly as it may sound I prefer to think of something a little broad to focus on. This year I want to work on my fears. I do not want to be afraid of taking chances..big risks even. Since I am now a college graduate in the state of Michigan, which has just been dubbed as the state with the worst economy I want to get out of my bubble. My bubble includes the majority of my family, the house I grew up in, the college I just graduated from, and my circle of friends. However, I want to be open to whatever the Lord has in store for me...even if that means moving somewhere and starting over in a sense. I just pray that I won't let fear play a factor in my future..that is all.

Proud to be like Naomi...my top 5 :)

2008-12-20T06:56:00.000-08:00

My top 5 college classes:
(Yes, I like copying Naomi, and I am not ashamed to admit it.) :)

So these are the 5 classes that come to mind first when I think over my 4 1/2 years at Rochester College. Some more for academic growth, some for spiritual growth, and some for social growth. They all were rewarding on some level to my journey as a lifelong learner.

1.) I guess it's always best to start at the beginning, so it would have to be Freshman Seminar. Although it was not the most academically stimulating class of my college career, I actually did learn a lot about relationships of all kinds: romantic, friendships, parental, sibling, etc. I also also introduced to Debi Rutledge, who is one of the finest members of the RC staff. Not only did she schedule meetings with all her freshman in that class (I still remember sitting in her living room and chatting about my hope for my college career.) but it was obvious she cared about us when we showed up. She also used to joke around about Lindsay's and my chronic tardiness...we were 5 minutes late about 50% of the time for this 10a.m. class, which is funny because I was always on time for my 8a.m. class the other 3 days of the week. Debi did not care at all. She was just happy we did show up. :) While on that subject, this class is also special because it was one of the reasons Lindsay and I got so close this 1st semester. We hadn't really been friends prior to RC.

2.) The next class that seems to jump out at me would have to be Educational Psychology, which I took during the spring semester of my sophomore year with Dr. Gordin MacKinnon. The class was on Friday mornings from 8-10:40...ouch. However, Dr. MacKinnon was so fascinating to listen to and had so many good stories to share. I also grew a lot from the field experience associated with this course at Hart Middle School in the Resource Room. There were also a few interesting book sharing experiences with Lindsay. :) haha

3.) Critical Writing and Literary Analysis seems to be the next class to come to mind when remembering the best of the best. I took it in the spring semester of my junior year (actually I technically had enough credits to be considered a senior but it was my 3rd year of college) with Tom Golden. He made us all really think. It was probably the most challenging course of my college career because we had to read different, thought provoking texts and analyze them with different "lenses." We had a paper due almost every class, and I often had to read the material 2 or 3 times to understand it, especially the first 3 or 4 weeks of the class. My talents as a writer grew and expanded throughout the course of this semester so much. I am so grateful for this course, and I only wished it could have been longer.

4.) I couldn't mention my favorite classes without slipping a Greer class in the mix. You see, History is my minor, and I took more classes with Dr. David Greer than any other professor over my time at Rochester. I sometimes even rearranged my schedule, so I would have the pleasure of hearing him lecture. My favorite Greer class is hard to tact down, but since I've got this chronological theme going on I'll say The Early American Republic, which I took during the spring of my senior year. It only had about 15 students, and there were some great discussions to be had during this course. Greer is best known for two things: his greeting and the fact that he never lets you out one minute early. The greeting: "Good morning (afternoon) history fans!" It is so apparent that he loves his job and history, and he will make you love it too. Also, he is one of the smartest professors I have had the pleasure of taking a class with.

5.) I am tempted to say Shakespearen Tragedies is my final favorite; HOWEVER, since Student Teaching is technically a class, I have to go with that. That 15 week semester was more challenging than any other two semesters put together. I grew more as a student, teaching, and person than any other 3 month period. I cannot begin to express how much I adore teaching. I can't wait to have my own classroom and do this the rest of my life. The students teach me something new every day. I can't get over how much I loved being even a small part of my student's lives. Working with Sarah was also a blessing, she was tough and pushed me every day. I am so grateful for this experience.

It was so difficult to list only 5 courses (in fact I cheated and mentioned 6 technically) but here are some for the honorable mention category: Old Testament with Dr. Fleer; Earth Science w/ Dr. Brackey; Grammar w/ Debbie Haskell; Advanced Composition and Senior Writing Project w/ Pam Light; Short Story Genre w/ Tom Golden; English Assessment Strategies w/ Vikki Bentley; Romans with Eric Magnusson; Comp. B and American Writers 2 w/ Zac Watson; Any Education class w/ Mr. Dawson, especially Oklahoma; and Nature Study w/ Carol Van Hoosen.

funny clothes

2008-12-19T17:45:00.000-08:00

It's interesting how funny people dress up for graduation. I mean long gowns, that are far too baggy in many cases, which are made of thin, shiny material. The sleeves long and loose, and then there are the hats. Square and pointy edges in most cases; however, many of the professors who have a PhD get a round, cushion like hat and all adorned with tassels. I'm sure that if someone from another part of the world popped in for a graduation ceromony I wonder what observations they might make. I just look at pictures from graduation last weekend and tend to giggle...that is all.

the end or rather the beginning...

2008-12-10T18:10:00.000-08:00

Life has a funny way of changing constantly. Here I sit, practically a college graduate. I completed all of my college courses last May and, as of last Friday, I completed student teaching including all of my seminar requirements. What's next? Well, I've subbed in Rochester the past three days, which has been great. I love teaching, and it's nice to know I will be happy doing it for the next thirty years. However, since I do love it so much, there is a drawback....the job market in Michigan. It's crazy to think even ten years ago how I would be interviewing at multiple schools right now, but today, well...that's obviously not the case.

I worked in a middle school Monday, and I was in a special education classroom with 5 students and 2 parapros to assist as well. What a crazy day that turned out to be! I have never felt so needed by students before! These 6th and 7th graders can not even form sentences to communicate what they wanted from from me. They needed hand on hand instruction, literally. I had to put the pencil in my student's hand and place my hand over top in order to help him write. I was exhausted by 2:30, but it was so rewarding to help them all so much.

Yesterday, I subbed in a CADs classroom. Basically, all the students work independently on computers designing things for engineering and architecture courses. It felt like I was a glorified babysitter, but it was great to be back at Stoney working with some of my old students and meeting some new students too.

Today, I worked as a P.E. teacher at Stoney. I know some of you are snickering. However, 4 out of my 5 classes just listened to a guest speaker who was introducing sex education. It was again great to be at Stoney. The school is so amazing. I just hope one day I end up in a school that nice!

So, I don't know where I'm going to end up. I have no idea if I'll find a job any time soon; however, I'll be praying about it, and I know God has some plan for me..that is all.

2 weeks, 1 day, 29 minutes...

2008-11-29T10:31:00.001-08:00

It is now 1:31 p.m. on Saturday, November 29, 2008 and it's hitting me...I will be graduating from college in just 2 short weeks. I can't believe how fast the past semester has gone by. There were days when the end seemed so far away. But now here I am, sitting home and contemplating my future. Where do I go next? Where should I live? work? I don't have any answers. When I started college 4 years ago I felt so confident. Compared to most of my friends I was unique. I had a major and minor--a direction to go in education-wise. Now, here I sit, more confused than ever. I have so many big decisions to make in the next month. Should I sign a lease here or out of state? Where can I find a job? I mean, this is such a solid economy, right? :) I guess I wanted to throw all this out here because I have no idea. I just needs prayers and support...that is all.

brrrrr

2008-11-26T20:05:00.000-08:00

A few years back someone, someone who knows me very well actually, once said, "Jennifer can't stand to be alone when it's cold outside. She needs someone to keep her warm." I laugh thinking about it now because it was said as a half joke. I am always cold...even when it's 70 degrees outside I am still cold. I thought you were supposed to be more adaptable to cold Michigan weather when you've lived here your whole life. However, the tough gene must have skipped me because I am always cold. Maybe it was growing up in my house, where the thermostat never seems higher than 64. That's only when we have company too. Usually it's 62...I wish I was just kidding there...haha So, as I freeze a little from the cold weather outside I just want to mention a few of the things that help me stay warm: a hot cup of coffee, wrapping up tightly in a blanket (which usually lends itself to an afternoon of reading if I have my way...), knee-high socks, my favorite sweatshirt (which is perfectly broken in of course), and a few intangible things. For example, my mother's smile, laugh, and the way she drinks her tea. Or watching a good movie and having someone to share it with. Perhaps, the way my dad cares about my brother and I so dearly. He is such a softhearted, wonderful father. Even the way my family teases one another in a playful manner. Maybe I'm cold on the outside, but these all warm my heart, which is far more important....that is all. :)

11/11

2008-11-11T18:23:00.000-08:00

The 11th of November...by far one of my favorite dates on the calendar (even now, 4 years later). I've always been a lover of dates. They are committed to my memory in a strange way, and (WARNING: The following information is very nerdy and boring.) I tend to notice "cute" patterns with the numbers involved. Example 01-02-03/ 08-08-08/ 02-04-06--yes, I'm serious. :) It's not like I make a huge deal out of this sort of thing, but it makes me smile. Now, 11:11 is a popular time for some people with the whole "make a wish" thing, typical of optimists under the age of 25. So, is it really that shocking that I would think 11/11 was so special?

Other things I find special:
When you pick up your phone to call someone and it starts ringing the instead your fingertips graze the surface with...surprise, surprise, that person on the other end.
When the first snow comes to town and the flakes dance across your nose and dance around the ground...so excited to be back after the long summer that they refuse to settle.
When you sit down and realize you don't have anything to do..the idea is do foreign you rack your brain, but alas, you can relax without feelings guilty about it. :)
When you impact someone's life---it might just be passing a stranger and shooting a smile in his or her direction, but it makes a difference.
When you look back and see how much you've changed in the past year, and hopefully, it was for the better. Maybe you even grew up a little, but not too much. "Be childlike, not childish" :)
When you jam out in the car and catch the people next to you staring, after a .001 seconds worth of embarrassment you just keep dancing. Life is too short to care what other people think about you.
When a hug from someone special can make all your problems just melt away. It's rare to find people like that and if you do, hold onto them, but also, know when to let go of people. This is one of the hardest lessons I've faced in life.
When you think back on old memories and still laugh out loud because of your friends involved in making them. A true Friend Is Like A Good Bra... Hard to Find. Supportive. Comfortable. And Always Close To Our Heart... ;)

...just some random thoughts on a good day, that is all. :)

329

2008-11-04T08:36:00.000-08:00

Today I was the 329th voter for the 4th percident in Rochester Hills. Voting has always been a big deal for me. I went to the Secretary of State the day after my 18th birthday to register and haven't missed an election since. This is not going to be some rant about my political opinions by the way. My parents raised me to keep those thoughts private. :) However, I will talk about the importance of voting. Two hundred years ago when our country was founded we were given the right to vote (well at least white men were and since then it's spread to everyone else over the age of 18) and I hate to sound too corny, but it's a gift. My first election was in 2004, and it was a presidental election so it was all the more exciting. I'm proud to have a voice in this country. :) that is all..

just another thursday

2008-10-23T17:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, I just have to say I LOVE teaching. It is, without a doubt, what I feel called to do for the rest of my life. Every month, every week, every day, every class--I learn more and more. Student teaching started off a little slow, but over the past two months it's only gotten better and better. :) My students are good kids. Sometimes they talk more than they should and drive me crazy, but overall, they are great. I used to be crazy overwhelmed by writing lesson plans, making handouts and worksheets, and grading papers, and I do it all for free. However, I want to come back every day. I want to get out of bed (Maybe not as early as I have to, but I'm more of a morning person than I ever have been). and teach all day, every day.
So...a little more about my classes.

1st hour: I have 12-1, which is a senior level composition class. It is designed as a college prep course and far harder than any classes I took in HS as far as I recall, it has been a long time... haha The class is surprisingly talkative for 7:35a.m. but funny. A few of them are amazing writers and far ahead of a lot of college freshman I have encountered. I hope some of them get a kick in the butt when they get to college though because they can be a bit whinny about Shakespeare and the workload at times. :)

2nd hour: My prep. Basically I plan things out with Sarah or put on my headphones and knock out your typical teacher tasks. I dare you to say that 5 times fast. :)

3rd hour: Oh my juniors...This course is 11A. It is the harder of the 2 junior courses offered in our district. The first 6 weeks were dedicated to learning MLA, gathering sources, outlining, and writing a large research paper. Now, we review grammar briefly MWF and have been dedicating the rest of class time to reading 1984. Speaking of grammar, I still need to write their accumulative grammar quiz for tomorrow. On Friday I hand them a mini paper filled with mistakes, which review all the grammar and MLA we have learned up to this point, and focusing on the latest skill dominantly. This week it's colons and semicolons. Always exciting. :)

4th hour: Yearbook, and by far the most unconventional part of my day. You see, most of the girls who apply for this course, know Sarah and have developed a sort of teacher/student friendship with her over their time at Stoney. Some of them have even paid to take required classes in summer school, so they can take YB over and over--it being an elective and all. It's nice to get to know those girls because they are so sweet. However, don't get me wrong, they work VERY hard. Stoney Creek puts out one of the nicest yearbooks I have ever seen. I can't wait to get my copy of this year's in the spring.

5th hour: Mythology, which is a mix of juniors and seniors. This is a literature course that all these students have elected to take. It can be a lot of fun too. Since it's a literature class there are no papers, but there is a lot of reading involved. The class is broken down into different units by archetypes. We just finished the god-teacher unit, which included a few short stories and the novel Frankenstein. That class is rowdy in one word. haha It is composed mainly of boys, it's just after lunch, and it has 35 students--in other words, every desk is filled. Sometimes they can get a little crazy, but honestly I find myself trying not to laugh before I turn on my serious face and telling them to quiet down. :)

6th hour: Another section of 12-1. This class is very focused. They are doing an amazing job of getting through Hamlet and their college application essays were great. There are some very cool stories in that class too. From the guy who is the essence of school spirit to the injured football player/wrestler who can never play these sports again but was still voted captain and goes to every practice and game helping from the sidelines. You can't make this stuff up...he's truly inspirational to me and doesn't even know it.

Well, that's a brief look into my life...that is all. :)

grading papers

2008-10-21T17:01:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been two weeks since my last entry. My life has been pretty hectic lately. I'm teaching full-time now, which is exhausting but rewarding. The best way to explain being a first time teacher is to compare it to freshman year of high school or college, particularly college. When you get there it's kind of scary and possibly uncomfortable at time, this is similar to those first observations you spend in a classroom. Then you get comfortable, make friends, and have fun until you hit that week. That week when you have 2 papers and a huge test looming along with a mountain of homework and you freak a little bit. You are incredibly stressed but somehow manage to make it through, probably getting marks a little lower than you were accustomed to. Then you get in the groove, work out a schedule, and learn time management. After this it's all downhill, and college (although challenging) becomes less of a nightmare. Well, writing lessons, teaching, and grading papers is the same way. The past two weeks like my "freshman year" and now that I have that under my belt it's coming much easier. Well...grading a stack of essays still takes a great deal of time; however, that's only because some of them are written so...(must stay positive...stay positive) creatively written. :) I love teaching though, and I can not wait to get my own classroom...that is all. :)

shall we dance?

2008-10-11T17:20:00.001-07:00

The staff dance performance was yesterday, and it was fantastic! Note: we were better than any of the class performances. :) I admit this is coming from a somewhat biased stand point; however, I still believe it is a true statement. After 2 weeks of practices, sore muscles, and far too many 8 counts it all came together. It's nice to have a place in the Stoney Creek family. I realize that in another 2 months I will graduate and have to move on somewhere. It would be wonderful to come back to SCHS full time and actually be paid to teach. The reality of the situation still strikes me though...I don't think I'll be getting a teaching job full time in January in this state. Dancing in front of 1600+ people though...that was fun. :) Wow, I didn't realize how big that audience was until just now...good thing too. If I had realized that sooner I might have been a little more nervous. :) Well, short and sweet, this was all I had time for...back to lesson plans! ..that is all.

ode to autumn

2008-10-03T15:32:00.001-07:00

There is always that one morning. If you've lived in Michigan for any extended period of time you know what I'm talking about. That one morning when you wake up with a shiver and realize at some point during your slumber summer ended and autumn commenced. It usually happens at about 3 or 4 a.m. because you have to get up and slide out from under your sheets and throw that extra blanket on your bed. No longer are you fighting with your sheets anymore prying them off halfway through the night due to the heat. Instead you now cling to every possible source of heat. Then when your alarm goes off and you start to slide your leg out of bed and your toe grazes the chilly floor you instantly cringe and fling the covers back over your body grasping for those last few moments of warmth from your safe haven of pillows and blankets.

I bring this up because this was 2 nights ago. How poetic that it happened on September 30th/October 1st. One month ending, a new month beginning--one season closing, a new season opening. I know there are official days on the calendar devoted to the starts of the seasons; however, we Michiganders know best when it comes to weather changing. After all, we experience these changes about every 20 minutes. We often joke around saying, "If you don't like the weather wait 15 minutes because it will change." There is a great deal of truth to this statement. In fact, this one characteristic of Michigan that I have come to love over the last 22 years. If I lived somewhere without 4 distinct seasons I might just cry. Especially autumn--with the reds, yellows, and oranges on every tree slowly overtaking the green; the apple cider; cool mornings and days perfect for sporting your favorite sweatshirt...it is by far my favorite time of the year. If only it could last a bit longer. :(

Hmm...Fall is awesome! That is all. :)

dance, dance

2008-09-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

Celebration. A word that is often associated with fun, hard work, stress, and countless hours of practice in acting, singing, and dancing--the last of which is what concerns me today. Stoney Creek has an annual lip-sync competition, which I just found out today puts some of the college's club acts to shame. There are teachers who are better dancers than most students around campus. Even after a few kids these moms know how to move and put me to shame. I wish I was better at learning choreography faster! lol I'll keep you posted, but this is going to be funny to say the least.

see you at the pole

2008-09-24T13:36:00.000-07:00

Alright, alright, ALRIGHT! You caught me. I admit it. Right now I am, in fact, journaling/blogging from school...gasp! I know, I know, I KNOW! You caught me. I admit it. I am, in fact, a horrible example. :) If it makes any difference though it's before school and technically I'm not on my website, but in fact, I'm writing what appears to be an email at this moment. I did want so badly to wait until after school to get this down, but that's when I have a team teaching meeting with Sarah and Emily then I'll just barely have time for dinner before curriculum night--also know as parent-teacher conferences....sooooo I'm writing now. :)

This morning was tough. I was exhausted from yesterday (being that I worked at school all day, did school stuff all afternoon, and then had to go into work all night) and I felt like staying in bed. However, I did somehow manage to find the strength to get up, get ready, get in my car, and get to school. Driving here was a challenge being that is was so foggy outside. It seemed as though I had transported to the cloud city on the plant of Bespin in Stars Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. (yes, I love all the Star Wars movies. Don't judge me because they are AMAZING.) After parking I walked through the fog and happened upon a group of no more than 30 standing around the flagpole.

You see, today is "See you at the Pole" which is a Nationally recognized event where students across the United States gather at 7a.m. at their school's flagpole and pray. Growing up I attended a private school and went every year. My brother was typically involved in the prayer and the majority of my school attended. I mean there were at over 100 people there every year. This might not seem like a large number, but when your school only has about 35 staff members and approximately 200 students 50% is a good turn out for an event that early in the morning. Now, here I am at a school with over 100 on staff and just over 1,600 students there were only 30 people here? It just blows my mind!

"See you at the Pole" always made me feel so special. It was like I was apart of something so much bigger than VCA (Valley Christian Academy) because 1,000s of other schools, private and public, took part in this event. I have nostalgic memories about singing and praying then having a nice breakfast with all my fellow Christian classmates and teachers to kick off another Wednesday. I even recall it being extra special one year because it fell on the same day as my sweet sixteen. Now, 5 years out of high school I find myself teaching at one of the biggest and nicest schools in the state, and it is filled with some good people. Some of them religious too I am sure; however, there is still something missing for me.

I want to be a Ms. Griffin, who used to pray with me if I was going through a rough week. A Mrs. Fox, who always had a smile on my face at school or when I would run into her at church later the same day. Maybe a Mr. Turner, who was cheery, had bible verses on his walls, and used to always say "every day is a good day, some days just happen to be great days!" There are so many others I could mention, but basically I just want to say as many wonderful things as this school offers there is just something these students are missing that I was so blessed to have and that is a Christian centered education. Other resources might have been lacking due to funding or class size, but I wouldn't trade my high school experience for any of them.

Even now, when I witness every day what public school is like. I'm not saying one is better than the other. I'm not saying that if you don't send your kids to a private school you don't really love Jesus. I'm not saying that if you do send your kids to private school they will not only get a diploma but also a ticket to Heaven. I just know that my faith is a huge part of who I am and that part was developed extensively because of my school. Note: my parents are the number one reason I turned out this way, and the fact that they chose to send me to VCA was such a supplemental blessing for me.

Private v. Public school? Not a debate I want to get into right now, but one thing I will say: What you do at home matters far more than the school building you drive to each morning...that is all. :)

22 years

2008-09-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

I know I'm a few days late, but I feel as though I should make some remark(s) about turning another year older... Last Thursday (the 18th) was my 22nd birthday. I've never been huge on celebrating my birthday and having a monsterous party of sorts. However, I do feel it is important to acknowledge one's birthday, so I spent it with a few close friends, which was nice. It's hard to believe I'm 22 years old, and I was reflecting back over the past 22 years remembering good time, hard times, challenging times, special times, memorable times, and wonderful, heartwarming times.

22. My first day of school...kindergarten. I sat next to Brandi Miller, who became one of my best friends all the way through elementry school.
21. Building forts with my brother and all the neighbors. I was the only girl and a total tomboy.
20. Playing basketball in the driveway all summer long with Drew.
19. My first sleepover with Bethany and Sarah when I was 8.
18. Learning to play poker with my Grandma. :)
17. Family get togethers with my Mom's side, when we ate KFC for our main course along with everything else being homemade.
16. Picking up a volleyball for the first time in 7th grade, and instantly knowing I never wanted to put it down.
15. Driving to school with Drew and jamming out to the radio.
14. Watching Friends every Thursday at 8 with my family.
13. Getting Chinese food and an old mom with my mom then spending the whole night together, just with two of us.
12. Graduating with Trent, Jamie, Ryan, Brandon, Nate, Anna, and Mike.
11. Driving to away games with the girls in high school.
10. Fallfest and Winterfest trips with the youth group.
9. MDYC trips with Samantha, Amy, Jamie, Jen, Miranda, Angela, etc.
8. Spending a week of my summer from age 8 to 20 out at MCYC, as a camper to counselor.
7. Coaching jr. high girl's volleybal with LeAnn and always going to Dairy Queen after games.
6. Winning Districts my senior year in volleyball with Jamie, Samantha, Jessica, Meghan, Melinda, and Gretchen.
5. Taking my brother to college and crying like a little girl about it.
4. My brother coming home from college to surprise me on my 17th birthday.
3. Pledging Sigma Phi and being apart of it the next 3 years.
2. Living with Lindsay 4 years at RC...so many good times there.
1. Having the best friends and family in the whole world...

it's been too long...

2008-09-09T18:46:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the lack of blogging, but the past month has been crazy to say the very least. I'm sure there are just so many out there who keep coming to my page and crying over the lack of an update...haha yeah right. I guess I'll just dive right into what's been going on and if I happen to say something profound and/or interesting in there then that will just be a bonus. :)

Jump Start was great! All of the directors, leaders, set-up crew, speakers, p/w leaders, volunteers, res. life, faculty, staff, and of course....freshman were fantastic! I hate to sound like a cheerleader from the Valley who is way too excited but oh well. :) Although I will admit parts were a bit corny, some sessions might have been a tad boring, and the schedule was hard to keep up with Saturday because of a certain red bus...(that's all I'm going to say, oh and sometimes people mistake this bus for a dog..) I'll just go right into some of the major highlights from the week:
1.) Any time with Shane when he grew a backbone and teased me...bonus points if Terrill was there to laugh at his comments.
2.) Moving around to the different groups during their small group sessions. It was cool to see the differences all the leaders made with the material we gave them and fun to hang out with the freshman too.
3.) The Deeper Still concert...I love them, enough said. :)
4.) The Candle Lighting Ceremony: by far my favorite JS memory from when I was a freshman and each year it has been a favorite.
5.) Zac Watson as a judge for the talent show. Watching him attempt to do math was hilarious.
6.) The talent show in general...it was short and sweet this year. Some of our students impressed me with their musical capabilities.
7.) Getting to know the freshman at the welcome circle.
So...thanks to everyone who "made their mark" on Jumpstart 08. :)

it's late...

2008-08-16T22:07:00.000-07:00

....or should I really be saying, "Wow, it's early."? I have no idea why I'm starting a new post at 1:08a.m. when I should be sleeping. To be honest 1a.m. isn't usually that early, but this week it seems like 5a.m. just because Jump Start is quite exhausting, and my eyelids are slowly closing at this very moment. I had this strange thought though and I wanted to write it out....

You see two days ago I was driving home in the dead of night. It was about 1:30a.m. and I had been watching the Olympics and drifting in and out of consciousness the majority of the night, so needless to say I was out of it. ---Some background information--There's a stage I tend to go to when I'm sleepy when random things/thoughts jump out and take control over my mind. This is also the stage I like to write my papers in because I tend to be tired enough to get my work done and mellow enough to not stress but rather write.---Anyways, back to what I was saying--As I was driving down Avon Rd. someone else appeared over the hill and quickly flicked their brights off; however, the damage had been done...I was blinded. Note, I could still see the road and was in no real danger of hurting anyone, well at least no more than usual, but everything was blurred.

This is where I'm going to make a leap...I began to compare this to life in general. How often is my vision blurred by bright lights such as work, homework, gossip, greed, selfishness, friends, family, emotions, etc.? Sometimes these things will creep up on us, just like a car appearing as it drives over a hill, flashing lights in our eyes. This is when we need sunglasses on I guess and, finishing this crazy metaphor, mine are prayer, my Bible, Jesus, and all things to keep my mind focused on my spirituality rather than anything else...I said I was going to be making a stretch haha

...that is all. :)

jump start is here...

2008-08-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's August 12th and Jump Start stuff kicks off in 10 hours! It seems so long ago that I was filling out my application to be a leader, and Terrill suggested I apply for the co-director position instead. After my interview and recieving my letter offering me the job then all the meetings over the past 6 months accumulating to this day...well I can't believe it's finally here! I love that in the next few hours all the leaders will be moving back on campus and tonight I'll get to see everyone. I hope they're all as pumped as I am for the next week. Hopefully everything will go smoothly, there won't be too many headaches, and no one hires a hitman on anyone else...haha

Soooo....Here's to the freshman and transfer students movng on-campus in 4 days, may your time at RC be amazing in every aspect possible...that is all. :)

tim mcgraw

2008-08-05T11:25:00.001-07:00

I've been a fan of Tim McGraw since I was about 15 years old. He's the first country singer to catch my attention, and his greatest hits c.d. is one of my favorites of all time.

In Jr. High and early High School I hated country music. My dad has always been a fan but his love for country music was definitely not genetic. Whenever he would turn it on my brother and I would make him turn it off just as quickly. However, I can still remember the Saturday night in early spring of my freshman year of high school when my brother came home from Target with Tim McGraw's greatest hits. My parents and I teased him a bit for purchasing the country music, but when he wanted to play it on our way to church the next day my dad did not hesitate to put it on, and the end result was shocking. For the first time in my life I enjoyed listening to country music.

I will admit though it wasn't for another 3 or 4 years down the road when my love for this genre of music would expand to what it is today. My freshman year of college Lindsay and I became pretty tight. At that point in time she didn't have a car or driver’s license so often I'd be the one driving us around. It didn't matter what we were doing, where we'd be going, or how many times we'd overplayed it Tim McGraw would be the c.d. of choice. Between songs like "Something like that" (which we have a dance to...), "Just to see you smile", "Don't take the girl" etc. we couldn't help but rock out and be entertained for hours.

Other songs played huge roles in my life over the years, such as "My Best Friend", which still brings tears to my eyes when I think of all the memories behind it. They're of course happy tears in case anyone was keeping track... :)

So, this is my love letter to Tim McGraw, I guess I'm kind of following Taylor Swift's example since she wrote a song about it. I will always love Tim McGraw for introducing me to country music and helping me to form the love I have for it today..that is all. :)

august

2008-08-03T19:38:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's already August. There is just so much to do in the next couple of weeks. First, it's my last week at the store. I love my job, and I'm so sad to quit. :( The people I work with have become so important in my life...duh. I spend 50+ hours a week at my store, of course I'm going to get close to the people I work with every day. I used to have some harsh judgments about Abercrombie and Fitch, though I never hated the store like so many people I know. However, the people there are amazing! They aren't snobby or arrogant (well at least most of them aren't) but instead they are kind, caring, funny, and pretty darn awesome.

Jump Start is only a week away!!! I can't wait for all the leaders to move back next week and then all the freshman to arrive on the 14th. Looking back 4 years ago to when I was moving on campus to play volleyball makes me smile. I can't wait to be one of the first people to welcome them to Rochester College. The next few years of their lives will be some of the most memorable and important and I have the blessing of playing a major role in that. Hopefully I don't mess it up too badly. :)

After JS I'm planning to go to Nashville for 4 or 5 days. I want to spend some time with my big brother and uncle especially. It's still sooooooo weird that my brother lives there officially now. I'm so excited for him. When I visit its like a preview of what my life is going to be in a few months after graduation. If I only knew where I'll be moving after December 13th. God will provide this I know. :)

Then lastly I will start student teaching! How amazing is it that I'll have my own class for a whole semester. I'll get the chance to know my students' names, strengths, weaknesses, quirks, etc. Spending every day in the classroom will be challenging, but I'm ready to step up my game. I just pray that I will be effective as a teacher and taken seriously. Looking so young has always made my placements interesting....I'm going to have juniors mainly in the fall so 5 years will separate me from my students. I've learned so much in the past five years of my life. I'm going to do my best to share the knowledge I have with my students. Maybe my youth will be an advantage in being able to relate to my students.

So...August here I come! ..that is all. :)

book club

2008-07-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

I want to read. The idea of sitting down with a few books and doing nothing but being literate for a while sounds so enticing to me. The library has always been a favorite place of mine. There is something so amazing about the smell of books. It might sounds strange but when you crack open a novel at first there is a richness in the aroma.

I remember in elementary school when there was a reading program. Once you completed so many books you would win a free pizza from pizza hut. I wish I could still get free food just for reading. haha Maybe that's the poor, hungry college student in me talking. Perhaps there should be some profound thought to this, but I just wish I had more free time to read...enough said.

Someone actually told me the other day they didn't want to read the book because if the plot was any good someone would just make a movie for it sooner or later. The sad part...they were dead serious. When I have kids I'm going to make them read books before they watch the movie. I bet they'll resent me for that. haha ..that is all. :)

embrace the moments

2008-07-20T21:39:00.001-07:00

I find myself being so impatient these days. There are just so many things I desire, and I can't reach out and grab them. They are the types of things you just must be patient and wait on. I consider myself so blessed, but I want more. I guess it's human nature; however, I find that in my case I might take this to an extreme. It seems to be a trend in my life to want to hit the skip button. There are times I think, "Just one more hour, one more day, one more week, or just a few more months and then...." (finishing that sentence varies all the time). I so often forget about the here and now. Wow, living in the present?!? What a crazy concept.

There are so many important things going on in my life, even in this moment. Sure, I'm just sitting on my couch letting my fingers glide across my keyboard, but how awesome is it that I have time to sit and write? It's something I love to do and here I am "living the dream" and doing it. I sound like a hallmark card or some corny after school special...but I'm over it. I'm corny and not ashamed. My goal for the next month is to stop myself from wanting to hit the fast forward and instead maybe try to put things in slow motion instead. (I'm loving this whole remote control analogy tonight I guess.) I might also take use of the pause button and truly savor moments. In a short time I will be so busy with work and student teaching I might not have much time to be corny and write on here. I'd really miss this too if that does happen.

Here's to those moments worth savoring, may there be more of them in the near future...that is all.

the mole

2008-07-06T17:22:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make: I love watching The Mole on t.v. (actually I watch it online because I usually work Monday nights when it airs, but you get the idea). In a nutshell there are 12 players: 6 women, 6 men, with ages ranging from 20 to 60 years old, all of different occupations, etc. you get the idea. They have traveled to Mexico in order to compete in missions each episode; however, one of the team members is being paid to sabotage the missions. At the end of every show the players must take the quiz, which consists of 10 questions about the mole's every move and the player with the most incorrect answers gets sent home.

As I watch the show I also make my own assumptions as to who the mole is. I find myself running into trouble though because when I watch the shows I see EVERYTHING. This includes confessions and behind the scene footage, which only the viewers at home have the "advantage" of watching. Now, I say all this to make a point. I watch the show alone, but always discuss with LeAnn my "big sister" :) We used to watching it back when I was in high school too and analyze everything, making our own assumptions as to who might be the mole. As I told LeAnn though I hate having to see/hear everything. There are too many voices influencing me. I wish I could just observe everything without having to be mislead.

As I was telling this to LeAnn it struck me this is similar to life itself. There are so many voices bussing around. Which ones do we listen to? There is a quote, and sorry I can't recall who said it, that goes, "One of the hardest things in life is knowing which bridge to keep and which bridge to burn." Who are the true friends in our lives that we can trust? Who should be listen to and allow to influence ourselves? This is a challenge I find myself struggling with...all we can do is hope and pray that the people who love, respect, and trust will do their best to not let us down...that is all.

happy 4th of july

2008-07-03T22:55:00.000-07:00

It's 1:56a.m. on July 4th. Happy Independence Day!!!! :)

The past couple weeks have been crazy. I'm opening and closing...mainly closing...at the store now. One of my store's managers got transferred and I have kind of taken over his responsibilities. I'm the unofficial people manager now. Only because I am in training until the middle of August. I LOVE my job more than ever. This blog is turning into a lovefest about being a manager at A&F but I work 50 hours a week, so obviosuly it's a big part of my life. One downside to my job...I have to be available 7 days a week. For the first time in my life I have to have open availability. This includes Sunday mornings, which right now I'm being scheduled for because one of my duties as people manager is to run orientation. Orientation takes place every Sunday at 10a.m. at every Hollister, Abercrombie, and Abercrombie & Fitch across the country...I don't have an option in the matter. I miss going to church.....but right now I'm stuck in this schedule.

I have today (the 4th) and tomorrow off from work though. I super excited!!! I'm going to lay outside and attempt to get tan. I also want to catch up on some reading. I usually have about 20 books finished by this point in the summer and this year I've only read 3 or 4. I have a stack of 4 books already picked out. I'm so excited to lay outside and read. It is so relaxing to be apart of nature like that.

I'm super tired, so that's all for now. When I have some more time over the next two days I'll try to write something with a little more meaning...haha

exhasted

2008-06-23T17:36:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was great! It was the first time I worked by myself, and I even got to run orientation... scary I know. haha I now have my own key to the store as well as a new schedule that I had a rough time keeping up with this weekend. I worked 5 days straight, which was kinda crazy. Usually around day 3 I can't feel my feet at all and my day off is looming before me; however, this time I had to forget that and power through 5 days. Today was very stressful and really tested me. We were busy not only with customers all day, but with getting the new floor set out. Here's the shocking part though.... I LOVED IT! This morning when my alarm first went off I wasn't sure how I'd make it through the day, but once I was there and had finished my coffee of course I loved being there. The people I work with make me laugh and love my job. There is something so amazing about loving my job this much even with the hours I'm logging there. So...this summer might be filled with work, but there is fun tied in there somewhere too...that is all.

the drive home

2008-06-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

Today when work was over, I just wanted to climb into my car and drive home. There are always those days that have dragged by slowly. When you catch yourself glancing at your clock and wondering if time is actually moving backwards. Then you get out of work and drive home with autopilot on. The asphalt becomes a blur, and when you finally reach your destination you find you cannot remember the drive at all.

It was just one of those days. I kept wondering where the time seems to go. Work has taken over a huge chunk of my life this summer. I guess this is a huge taste of what it will be like to grow up and have to go to work every day. It makes me really cherish the relationships I have. The summer has always been a time for me to work. I like to stay busy and save up money for the times when I find myself too busy to log hours during the school year. However, summertime has also provided me with the opportunity to see who cares enough to put in time.

A good friendship is not defined by how often you see each other in my opinion. A strong relationship can stand the test of distance. It's knowing that even if you do not have the time to see each other or talk you still know each other inside and out. You would still be there for him or her in a heartbeat if they called and needed you, dropping anything else because the friendship you have with that person is more important than whatever you might be doing.

On my drive home I thought about my friendships, both new and old. It's funny how much my life has "changed" and yet remained the same over the past few years. I swore I'd never work retail again after Hollister, but here I am a manager at A&F--working for the same company. I never thought I'd live in Ferndale over the summer...here I am though. There are so many factors of my life that a year ago I wouldn't have thought to predict. Sometimes on the drive home I find my mind wandering towards them and I wonder...what does God have in store for me in the future that I could not even imagine? ...that is all.

shifting sand

2008-06-14T17:36:00.000-07:00

Back in high school my brother had the Caedmon's Call c.d. (yes, it was an actual compact disc). I remember listening to one song in particular and for some reason today it popped into my head. It's called Shifting Sand, and I'm not sure I realized exactly want it meant back then. However, I always thought it was catchy and liked listening to it.

One line played over and over in my head today at work.... It was the only thing that got me through my 10 hour shift. To be honest, I'm not sure why it was a "bad day" because nothing horrible happened. I walked into the store at 8 a.m. a little tired but happy. However, after a few rude customers and a few minor things that went wrong I just got annoyed and frustrated. Then I walked around quiet the majority of the afternoon, not being nice or rude just blah... This is very unlike my normal work mode. Typically I'm bouncing up and down "dancing" across the store with a smile on my face. I just needed to get through the day...

I often let the little things get to me. If only I could be better at rolling things off my back. However, this song reminded me that although my faith is like shifting sand, thankfully God's lI need to start remembering to be more like that. When someone is rude to me at work this week my goal is to be extra nice to the next three people I speak to, whether they are my associates, co-workers, customers, etc.

Often Patrick Mead will end his services at Rochester COC with some sort of admonition, and that is how I feel inspired to finish this blog, with a little help from Caedmon's Call too.

I will not believe the lies that Satan feeds me daily.
I am loved, and I am special.
I will strive to do what is right and pray for strength when I feel too weak to do so.
I am loved, and I am important.
In all that I do I will try to reflect the same love and compassion that my Heavenly Father has shown me.
God in front of you....leading you through each day.
God to your left....when you sway from the path.
God to your right...when you feel weak and start to faint.
God behind you....catching you when you stumble or fall.
I will stand firm on HIS grace.

Shifting Sand:

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And every day I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind

I hear it all depends on my faith
So I'm feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they're so mysterious

And like a consumer I've been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my 15 minutes of faith,
Then I'd be secure

(Chorus)
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

I've begged you for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leperous hand
And lions resting lazily

A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I've seen so much
I explained it away

Chorus

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time

(Chorus repeated)

Stand on grace

Ephesians

2008-06-09T16:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to church and heard one of the best sermons I've heard in a long time. Dr. John Barton was guest speaking at Lake Orion COC and delivered a lesson on Ephesians. Now, if someone had asked me to tell them everything I knew about this book before Dr. Barton's sermon I would have most likely shrugged, scratched my head, and said something along the lines of, "Paul wrote it while he was in prison. It talks about wives submitting to their husbands and also how husbands should love their wives."

Dr. Barton broke the book down into two parts. Splitting it right down the middle, chapters 1-3 then 4-6. In the first half of the book we learn that we are blessed. As Dr. Barton even said, "We are filthy rich!" We have a loving father in Heaven who spoils us rotten. He continuously blesses us and showers us with his loving affection. We often find ourselves complaining about bills, work, and the other hardships of life, but we need to remember how much God has blessed us too. I admit this is an area I need to work on.

The second half of the sermon focused on part two (chapters 4-6) which teach us how to live Christian lives. However, this is what confuses people in the church often. We strive to be "good enough" which is actually impossible. It isn't some check list that God has up there, "Did she pray enough? How often did she read her Bible? Did she treat others with respect and love them as with Jesus' love at all times?" It's more of a system in which grace takes over, and we just do the best we can.

The last part of the sermon.... REMEMBER to keep this book in order. We don't act a certain way in order to reap God's blessings. Rather, we are blessed just because He loves us, and then we should strive to serve him to the best of our ability...that is all. (For now at least.)

Awake

2008-06-04T23:27:00.000-07:00

It's actually 2:30 in the morning, yet I find myself awake and wanting to write. I make no promises for the value about this blog; however, I will say there is just something about writing between the hours of 2 and 5a.m. that makes me smile.

So, my material tonight will come from a famous quote. You see, I've heard this quote for years and always loved what it said; yet lately it has become more relevant.

"A man is what he thinks about all day long." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Now, Emerson is without question one of my favorite authors, and he is famous for his quotes. They are always penetrating and thought provoking. The thing I love most about this quote is how honest it is...think about it. We claim to be a certain way, but actions always speak louder than words. What do our thoughts revolve around?

Lately, mine have been work, work, red wings, work, and I hope I have time to get everything else done when I'm not at work. So, what's missing? I can tell you right now my spiritual life has taken a backseat to my new work schedule. I'm ashamed to admit that I spend 50 hours a week at my job, and on my day off, Sunday, I didn't even go to church for 2 hours. A messily 2 hours could not be sacrificed to do something to feed my spiritual fire...that is pathetic!

Sure, I can make up the excuse that my friend spent the night with me and she doesn't really do the whole Church of Christ thing because she was raised Catholic. However, my thoughts were not where they belong. They seem like such a blur lately. My focus has been all wrong. Don't get me wrong because I love my job! I think it's a great job too despite all the preconceptions people tend to make about my store. It's easy to do considering some of the clothing we sell and all, but to judge someone for working there is not Christian.

So, it's been easy to be selfish lately and think about my job and what I want to do in my spare time (the little I have) but in the next week I want to challenge myself to think about others first and myself secondly. This being largely in respect to my family.

Also, I want my thoughts to turn to a spiritual focus. I want God to be in the center on my life. He has always been in my life, but now He will be what I'm focusing on. I want to get back into the whole prayer journal thing. The summer I wrote one every day was the summer I figured out all my junk. I stopped believing out of habit and began to explore the why factor. Why am I a Christian? Why do I believe the things I do? Why go to church? ...and the list goes on and on. I guess by putting this down in writing I'm making a formal commitment to do all this stuff....that is all.

Summer

2008-06-02T08:22:00.000-07:00

It's now June. I find it so hard to believe I finished my last final a month ago, but this is mainly due to the fact that Oklahoma added two weeks to my semester and work keeps me busy now. This has been a great summer though. I love that I always have somewhere to be; whether that be work, a friend's apartment or house, or whatever errands need to be taken care of. Keeping busy makes the time go by faster then I would prefer, but I have no complaints because I'm having a fun time doing everything.
Kara spent the night with me Saturday, which was great. I was especially in a good mood because the Red Wings had just won their game making it 3-1 in the finals against the penguins. I'm so sad I have to miss what will probably be the last game tonight since I work and all... However, it's kind of a fact of life that you have to do certain things you don't want to sometimes and there is no use in complaining because it doesn't change anything. Also, I have friends who will be texting me score updates throughout the night. I realize it's not the same, but it's all I have to work with.
Yesterday was my day off! I hung out with Kara and when she went into work I ran a few errands, but then.... I did nothing all afternoon. This whole doing nothing thing is now a foreign concept to me, so that was wonderful for a change.
Also, isn't that one point of having a summer vacation? Shouldn't it be a time in which you do nothing? It is, after all, important to sleep in, rest your body, take time to think, and reboot for the week ahead. So, I need to sleep more... that is all.

Oklahoma

2008-05-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

I've been back from Oklahoma for almost 2 weeks. A large majority of the time I spent there made me want to write. Teaching every day in a classroom for two weeks gave me a brief insight into the next semester. I also realized how much I LOVE being in the classroom. Now, I have to admit some days were a little rough and I had to take my discipline up a notch, but the hard times made me a better educator.

So, some highlights of my trip:
The ride down with Josh, Curtis, and Brandon... :)
Meeting all the kids at the home
Grocery shopping... haha
Playing football with the kids
Teaching The Alchemist to 4 classes in a row for 2 weeks
Being a "cell phone wizard" haha
Sonic!
Hanging out with Carmen
Watching movies with Carmen using our SWEET set-up :)
Flavor Stix :)
Making brownies
The tour of the Cherokee Indian Reservation and the best tour guide ever: Robert :)
Playing Jr. Monopoly Toy Story edition with Brandon and Carmen
Going on a field trip
Getting hit on by little 8th graders on said field trip
Having friends call and wake me up bc they got to sleep in the next day
Getting lost with Carmen in Oklahoma City
The ride home and singing Leona Lewis "Keep Bleeding" with Curtis, Josh, and Brandon :)

There are so many other things that come to mind, but I'll stop here. I feel blessed by my new friendships and closer bonds with the others from the trip. I can't give the trip justice through a mere blog. I have learned to be patient and accepting in a new light though. My parents have blessed me so much, after working with these kids I feel so grateful... that is all.

Top 10 College Tips

2008-05-01T17:56:00.000-07:00

It's May 1, 2008. I'm packing up all my belongings in my dorm room for the last time. Finals are drawing to a close, people are moving home for the summer, and a sigh of relief floats across this campus with a force so powerful you can't help but feel it. Another school year is coming to a close and this time it is different. Tomorrow afternoon I will be taking my last final...and it's of course for my history class. Then I have the joy of moving at warp speed and leaving Saturday at 2 for Oklahoma. I'm just so excited! ...not.

As the semester ends my new job will be beginning. I'm going to be an m.i.t. (Manager in training) at Abercrombie and Fitch at the Lakeside mall. I'm actually very excited about this job! I love working part-time at the A&F in the Village, so this is the next step, a bigger challenge to face I guess. I'm also excited to move into an apartment and decorate. I have big plans for my bedroom especially. :)

But I digress...So, what have I learned after 8 semesters, 2 maymesters, 53 classes and 148 completed credit hours? (Yes, I'm procrastinated on studying for my final exam tomorrow by adding that up...haha)

1.) People are always more important that getting the grade. I'm not saying you should slack off or anything, but if you have to pick between building relationships and killing yourself studying, I vote for the relationships every time. Good friends are hard to find, and they last a lifetime.
2.) Don’t worry too much about your looks. Trust me, they aren't everything. Leave your room without make-up and hair gel weighing you down. Feel good about being natural. Anyone who thinks any less of you for that, isn't worth your time anyways. And it makes those times you do get dressed up all the more special.
3.) Utilize the resources that are in your environment. This might be a good professor who will challenge you, building a relationship with the dean of students, taking a course that you will have to work hard in to succeed, etc.
4.) Make good friends. And when I say good, I mean it two fold. a.) Friends who are good people and encourage you to do good things and b.) friends who treat you right.
5.) Read, as often as you can.. enough said.
6.) Try and keep up on current issues. (This is still something I could be better at.) Whether you do this by watching the news, reading newspapers or the Internet, etc. You should be aware of the world around you, especially outside the U.S.
7.) Enjoy the social aspect as much as you can, but make sure you can balance your schoolwork too! :)
8.) Don't get caught up in gossip, especially when you go to a small school and have facebook to help you stalk people, it can be tempting to talk about your friends. We're all guilty, but in the end it tears people down and is NEVER good.
9.) Don't wish away your college years. There are times when you'll be stressed and frustrated but remember this is a special time in your life and you need to soak it all in.
10.) Try to be open-minded. If you go in with your mind already made up then you might miss out on getting to know a good person, making a new friend, or hearing a new perspective.

I'm sure there are more I could sit here and think of because these 10 came to mind so quickly but I feel that the cliché less is more fits well here. I'm not claiming to be some expert on "How to have the best college experience possible" but I think these might be universal and useful...that is all. :)

pet peeves

2008-04-25T17:22:00.000-07:00

I have, what most would consider, a normal amount of pet peeves. I hate when people mess up you're and your....give me a break it's my major. It bothers me when a couple takes PDA to an extreme level, so that everyone around them feels uncomfortable. It drives me crazy when people are fake. This is probably one of the biggest annoyances on my list.

Usually, when you ask someone, "How are you?" or "How was your day?" They tend to answer "good" or "fine" without thinking. It's more of a reaction than a response. I've done it, but then there are times when just after I change my mind and say, "Actually, I'm stressed and tired. I mean life is good, but I miss sleeping." People tend to look at me like I'm crazy, but it's honest. I guess I'm confused on where the line is. When should we be "fake" or when is it okay to be blunt and honest.

This week is kind of rough. My last week of college is drawing itself to a close. I'm a little stressed and sad. There isn't a lot of work to get done, but endings are always sad. Emotions are running high, and I can't help but feel a little sad. When I graduated from high school I knew what the next chapter contained. Now, I'm not positive where I'm headed. I admit I'm a little scared. I know God has a plan for me, and I'm not worried about not being taken care of. However, I'm anxious to figure things out.

So, for me, I need to be honest and put my cards out on the table. However, there are those who are more private and like to give the typical "good" response ans that's okay. So, I'll always hate when people misuse your and you're, but I guess it's not that big of a deal when people automatically answer "good" or "fine" when someone asks them how they're doing...that is all.

taken from wikipedia...

2008-04-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

Lately my main focus has been on prayer and getting back into the groove of praying. As I shudder in this moment thinking about presenting my senior project in a mere 3 1/2 hours I need to turn my attention to prayer more than ever. Of course, my mind wondered what might pop up if I googled prayer and the first link was, of course, from wikipedia. So, I clicked on it and here is "prayer" according to everyone's favorite online encloypedia:

Prayer is the act of attempting to communicate, commonly with a sequence of words, with a deity or spirit for the purpose of worshipping, requesting guidance, requesting assistance, confessing sins, as an act of reparation or to express one's thoughts and emotions. The words of the prayer may take the form of intercession, a hymn, incantation or a spontaneous utterance in the person's praying words. Secularly, the term can also be used as an alternative to "hope".

I'd have to say this is a great definition, but I hated seeing prayer described like this. For me, it should be thought of as something more personal. When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray he gave them the Lord's Prayer, which we all know by heart (or at least we can paraphrase it pretty effectively). However, I dutifully looked it up for anyone who didn't grow up having to recite this from the age of 5....

Matthew 6:5-15
5"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

9"This, then, is how you should pray:
" 'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
11Give us today our daily bread.
12Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one. 14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong but do any of us prayer like this each time we talk to God? No, it's merely a blueprint we should use to guide us. Our prayers should not fit the cookie cutter definition seen in wikipedia. They become useful when we connect to God through them. A prayer's purpose should not be that of a time clock... something we merely do to punch in our worship time for the day. Prayer is a gift. Let us remember to use it as Jesus intended, rather than focusing on what we should be saying... Let us speak from our hearts, that is all.

the value of a college education

2008-04-20T11:49:00.000-07:00

School is drawing to a close. It's the same every year for me... the last week of classes has crept up on me and now there are so many things to do in a short period of time. First, there are the papers and projects to finish and present. Next, there's registering and getting everything arranged for my trip to Oklahoma. Also, there are summer living arrangements to be finalized. Oh and did I mention presenting my senior writing project and preparing for and taking final exams? This is what college is about. being capable of taking on so many things and still managing to do them all well.

I don't think the things I have learned in college will help me much once I graduate; however, I do think the skills we obtain by taking courses and completing so many tasks at once will. I'm not discounting my education courses. Yet, I think that a lot of teaching techniques are not learned in college, but rather, in the first few years I will spend in a classroom of my very own. The truth is most careers will train you to complete the job you were hired to do. To enter into these careers you usually are required to have a college degree. Often, the degree does not even have to be in a certain field, any degree will do. (I know this is not true in my case; I need to be certified to teach...duh) However, your job does not cover much of the material you were taught in your courses at college. Rather, the purpose of you college degree is to show you can handle multi-tasking, responsibilities, and critical thinking.

I'm not discounting the value of having a college degree, but I do think its value differs from our perceptions. I guess I'm about to find out when I start my job in 4 weeks. However, I do have 2 weeks of intense training and 4 weeks of loose supervised training following that. I've learned a lot about balancing multiple responsibilities in the past 4 years. This is a lesson I will take with me all throughout life, and that is the most important thing I think I will take away from my college education...that is all.

inspiration: eleanor roosevelt

2008-04-12T15:24:00.000-07:00

Eleanor Roosevelt has always been a woman that I have looked up to. Besides the fact that she married her cousin I have wanted to be just like her since I was about ten. She once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."--A quote that has stuck with me since middle school.

In the beginning I'm not even sure I knew what this quote meant in relation to my life. However, now as a senior in college I have a deeper understanding of it and can relate to it on a more personal level.

I'm guilty of caring too much about what other people think of me. It's a flaw I've been aware of for a few years now. There has to be a balance between listening to our friends' constructive criticism and worrying too much about conforming to appease those around you.
Over my past four years at Rochester College I have seen many people put on faces, which they feel they need to wear to fit in on this campus. Also, I've seen many individuals who do what they want even if it might not be what's "cool". (Who really knows what that is anyways?)

I admire both groups... I know, I know I shouldn't be neutral like this but, this is my blog, and I do what I want.

Group 1 (the conformers) I admire you because I've been in that position. It can be something as simple as sitting through a bad movie just because it's the one your friends picked. I went to see Superbad, even though I knew it was trash, (funny yes, but trash) and afterwards I felt horrible for wasting 2 hours of my life filling my head with such junk. I've laughed at jokes that were tasteless and crude, worn clothing I did not think was very attractive myself, and so many other little things. Now that I'm 21 I hope to share my limited amount of wisdom with whoever might read this. Find people who like who you are. To quote Dr. Seuss, "Be who you are because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind." It's okay to be weird or different. Don't worry so much about how others might judge you.

Group 2 (the independents) All I have to say is you're an inspiration to me. I don't mind being silly here and there, but I'll admit there are times when I'm not brave enough to just be myself. My goal is to laugh more and worry less even as I'm turning into an "adult"...that is all.

prayer

2008-04-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

Prayer is a very powerful tool. I strongly suggest everyone keep a prayer journal because a) it's the best accountability partner a person can have b) you will see prayer working in your life c) it will help you improve your prayer structure d) it's nice to look back later and see how much you've grown spiritually.

I have gone through phases in the past 4 years of college in particularly but lately I just want to get back to prayer. My body is aching for it. Yes, I have a physical pain because my prayer life has been lacking lately. My stomach is in knots and I have never felt so far away from God. I just need my heart to be broken. My environment needs to improve. Work, school, and everything else is just too stressful, and I'm tired and hurting.

I'm going to change it up. Try and get back to my spiritual walk because I've left the path and find myself wandering to the road, which is wide and easy to travel. However, in the end it doesn't take me anywhere good. I'm hurting and it took me far too long to see what I need is prayer. I'm starting now, and I'm pledging to get back to the way I used to be a few months ago. I feel like it's conditioning. I've taken a few months off so my body is out of shape and needs to be broken. It's going to hurt for at first, but soon I know I'll be better off for it.

I ask for prayers as I make an effort here to get closer to Jesus...that is all.

Happy Birthday Dad!

2008-04-06T17:32:00.001-07:00

I don't want to have a favorite parent, so after posting on my mom's birthday I have to give a shout out to my dad on his birthday 3 days later. To be honest I've always been a daddy's girl. It might have started at a young age with one of those t-shirts that say, "I love my Daddy" but however it began it stuck.

My dad is a hard worker and a man of integrity. His job is very important to him, but more than that he makes time to be the president of the board for VCA, he attended practically every sporting event, concert, science fair, etc. that I was involved with in school, and he always finds time in this busy schedule for our family.

He is also one of the most generous people I have ever seen. It does not matter what the circumstances are, he's always there to lend a helping hand. I've seen him buy meals for so many people, loan out al sorts of things to people who need them, and buy Christmas or Birthday presents for people from church or work it's crazy.

However, my favorite thing about my dad is his sense of humor. This is probably because it as so like my own--very sarcastic. I especially love when he and my brother are together. There are so many times I have laughed so hard I couldn't even catch my breath.

He's just the best, that is all. :)

Happy Birthday Mom!

2008-04-03T09:26:00.001-07:00

Yes, it's my Mother's birthday and I have decided to write a little something about her in my blog. I feel as though she has earned it over the past 21 years...

First, let me start off in saying my mother is amazing. She is quite possibly the best person I know, and if I turn out half as well as she has I'm in pretty great shape. Over the past 21 years she has been one of my best friends. In that respect I have to admit she's also been one of the people I have fought with the most, but that's only because she demands so much. I admire her for setting such high standards though, and she doesn't expect anything more than she is willing to do herself.

She is sweet, and always has a comforting word to say to a friend in need. She is kind and always serving her students in and out of the classroom if need be. My mother is beautiful, inside and out. She is patient--she would have to be in order to put up my dad, brother, and me. No matter what, she puts others' needs before her own. A smile seems to be the permanent facial expression you will see her sporting. Not only is she smart, but she's humble about it--I'm her daughter so I don't have to be, my mother is brilliant. And the list goes on and on.

The thing I admire most about my mother is her relationship with the Lord. Each morning she wakes up early, gets ready for work but then takes time to sit down to eat breakfast and read her bible. She actually reads the entire bible every year--reading the book of Proverbs every month at least once. Even more importantly though, you can see Jesus in her actions. This is why I admire her. She always goes the extra mile, is slow to anger and quick to forgive, and genuinely cares about all the people in her life.

So, happy birthday to the woman who gave birth to me...that is all.

Post Celebration

2008-03-31T09:06:00.000-07:00

Celebration 2008--Broadway has come to an end. I feel relieved, happy, sad, and so tired still. Celebration always seems to be the glue which holds social clubs together in the spring semester and even though I will be technically enrolled here through December, due to my student teaching, in many ways this is my last semester. Therefore, it felt like an ending.

SFDN has always held such a special place in my heart over my time at RC. There are days in which I feel stressed and upset due to the polictics that come with the group, but the bonds I have formed over the past 3 years are so special I don't regret much of anything else that had to come with it. I'm not saying social clubs are the right fit for everyone or that you'll regret not being a member of one if you go to college here. However, I think people should stop writing them off as "paying to have friends" here.

I'm so glad I got to be apart of this group. If I hadn't joined I wouldn't be friends with some of the people who are now sisters to me. There are girls in Sigma Phi who are so different from me, and I feel that in college we tend to cling to people who we have a lot in common with. Stressful events like Celebration can draw us all together. In the end we accomplish something as a team and it feels so great. So, thanks to everyone involoved in Celebration-- Stephanie, Karina, Steve, Darren, the entire tech crew, singers, dancers, hosts, actors, etc. because this was one of the most enjoyable Celebrations I have been involved in...that is all.

Intellectual?

2008-03-26T11:26:00.001-07:00

There are many people who write blogs to share these deep thoughts and ponderings that they struggle with. My blog has never been meant to provoke crazy thoughts. I admit there are times when I try to write about something a little deeper than what is on the surface; however, I'm not one to sit and try and sound intellectual for a few pages worth of blog material.
However, my thought for the day is that we need to stop trying be sound intellectual and start being intellectual. I hate when people use big words and don't even know what they mean. Let's work on writing and saying things we actually know about instead of the things we think people want to hear.

crazy and loving it

2008-03-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

I'm deciding to put my life on hold and write. There is something so powerful about sitting on my bed, gazing at the ceiling, and wondering about whatever issues are flooding my thoughts. I find words as a release. In words we can express our emotions-good and bad-, our struggles, triumphs, defeats, mundain stories, laugh provoking tales, etc. This is why I started my blog. I've been writing now for almost 3 months and even though there are many times I wish I had more time to devote to it life is just not always that kind. Between school, my 2 jobs, celebration practices, student teaching, and any time left over for a social life my writing has been shoved on the back burner. Actually, it has been focused more on my school work, particularly my senior writing project.

This project is the first of the developments in my life that I'll hit on. Whe I was brainstorming what to do--research or creative writing--I knew I had to do something that I would enjoy. Over the years I have written many research papers and if it's a good topic that can be enjoyable. There is something so powerful about the ability to explore something that sparks your curiousity and even better gain knowledge to fuel deeper and more meaning critical thinking. I'm writing 7 vignettes to define abstract ideas through concrete descriptions. I'm far too much of a perfectionist though and keep tweaking it. I wonder if I will ever be happy with it. I'm satisfied but to be happy might be asking too much.

Next, work is killer. I keep picking up hours whenever I can because I love working and need money. Crazy how that works out. Also Jump Start, my second job, is beginning to get more involved. It's been a lot of fun planning Freshman Orientation for next year, and I'm hoping/praying everything turns out great. :) I'm trying to save up as much money as I can for when I move into an apartment this summer.

This brings me to my next topic--I'm going to be moving into an apartment and staying in the Rochester area this summer instead of going home unless some unforseen event happens in the next 5 weeks. I'm so excited to be on my own for the first time. I'm looking for a waitressing job down here for the summer alongside A&F. This brings me to another funny thing career orientented topic. I'm considering taking a manager position at A&F when I graduate until I can find a teaching job. Nashville is still a possibility but in signing a lease I'm committing myself to staying in Michigan until next summer, and I need a few options.

Celebration is well... crazy. My nights have been plagued with practices, but it's been fun. I was seriously considering not participating this year because my schedule is so full; however, I'm so glad I did. It is my senior year, and I have had so many laughs doing it this one last year. Of course this is merely the beginning of tech week... talk to me in about 24 more hours. :)

Student Teaching... well it's been more of a challenge then I thought it would be but great! Every day I wonder if this is the right career path for me and the more I get into teaching the more I start to think this is the right choice for me. Last week I taught a lesson on commas Tuesday then had to grade a huge stack of papers and write my lesson plans to cover the common mistakes everyone seemed to be struggling with to teach first thing on Wedneday. I of course had my own classes, work, and celebration practice too which made this more difficult... but when I began grading the papers and seeing how I could help to improve my student's grammar I was really happy. I love being in front of a class with 30 kids looking to me for direction. It's such a big responsibility, but I'm up for the challenge.

So, that's a small update into the crazy schedule I've been coping with the past couple of weeks. I wish I had more time to sleep, but then I think that I have all the time in the world to sleep after college, right?

Oh and how could I forget March Madness?!? I love watching the college basketball tourney every March. It's truly one of the things I look forward to each year, and I struggle tearing myself away from the t.v. because the upsets and OTs are so exciting. I'm not claiming to be a bracket expert, although I try. :) It's just something fun that really makes the stress of everything else melt away at least for a few hours....that is all.

Define Yourself

2008-03-14T12:29:00.000-07:00

Just what every college senior wants... to look in the mirror and ask the question, "Who am I?" Then even scarier, "What am I doing when I graduate in 9 months?" I've always wanted to be a teacher, but lately I just don't know if it's what's right. Funny enough student teaching is what is beginning to change my mind. I spend every Tuesday and some Fridays at Stoney Creek watching a great English teacher and think to myself... "Is this going to be me?"
I just want my own class. I want routine instead of being a guest star every week. I love teaching, but there is just too much involved in pre-teaching that doesn't really help all that much. I'm not trying to bash Rochester College's education program. It's not them because all colleges are like this. Speaking as a student going through the long, tedious program I have to say it could be shortened. It's more important to have a few very good placements, rather than many mediocre. I'm burnt out already after my "week off". haha I need spring break part 2, and it should take place somewhere warm, preferrably with a beach. :) This is why I picked education, so I could get my summers off. ...just kidding! (well kind of)
Do I know what I want to do when I graduate? Not really, but I feel as though education is my calling and even though some days are rough when all is said and done I love it. I love every minute I get to spend lecturing, writing lessons, grading papers, reading a story together in class and discussing its characteristics, and I love helping students. Whether I help them pick teams for March Madness, correct/edit a paper, or show them how to fix a comma splice I know I belong in the classroom...that is all.

Preview of Growing up

2008-03-08T22:47:00.000-08:00

So, it's 1:47 a.m. and, go figure, I'm wide awake. Actually, it's now 2:48 a.m. because the clocks jump forward an hour tonight... great. :) I hate losing that hour of sleep, especially at the close of my spring break. The spring break of my senior year of college is basically over, and it's back to class for me on Monday. What an interesting break it has been... I didn't go anywhere but had a lot of fun. Without having classes, I've been filling my days with teaching and work, and it felt like a preview of life after college. Don't get me wrong I spent plenty of time relaxing, heading up to lifetime, and hanging out with friends. Still, it was similar to what my life will be like in less than a year.
People keep asking me what I want to do when I graduate, and I never know what to tell them. I've mentioned before that I would not mind staying in Michigan, but on the other hand it would be amazing to try something new. However, I'm considering things I never thought I would these days. An example would be staying in Rochester over the summer, preferably in an apartment, and then finding a decent job in the area. I'm so eager to be on my own. I'm a little scared of having to pay all of my own bills because my parents have been so financially supportive of me over the year, but I know I can handle it.
Do you ever have that feeling that God has great plans in store for you, but you think to yourself, "God, can you speak up? I'm your instrument, but I need some more direction." So, I lay awake in my bed unsure of the future but so eager to see what's going to happen. I'm reminded of a quote a friend of mine used to say quite frequently, (and I'm not sure where it's originally from so that citation will have to satisfise) "I'm not sure what my future holds, but I'm sure of who holds my future plans." ..that is all.

Loving Like my Lord

2008-03-01T17:32:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny how we as Christians tend to steer away from the "sinners" or "heathens"---basically the non-church goers, even though this was the group that Jesus spent the majority of His time with?
I think about my life and how sheltered it has been. The only times I haven't been completely surrounded by people with the same religious affiliations were at my different jobs. It started off simply enough when I was 17 and working at Subway. (Yes, you can giggle softly to yourself because I was a "sandwich artist" yet, I feel it should be noted I was promoted to a "crew leader in 3 short months--quite the feat.) I worked with a few people who had colorful words intermingled in their vocabulary and who might tell a crazy drinking story here or there. I then worked at Hollister for awhile and got introduced to all the crazy drinking stories from my two managers who were in a fraternity together at Oakland University along with high school students who regaled me with their crazy antics from the weekends. Next, I entered the restaurant world and was surrounded by those who were stunned by the fact that I had never smoked, drank alcohol, or had sex, and I was 20 years old. I was in fact called a "unicorn" because someone my age with all these characteristics shouldn't exist. Now I work at Abercrombie and Fitch and almost all of my co-workers go to OU and like to party. I have always pulled away from this group in the past. I would often go into work I get along with everyone, but at the end of my workday I'd leave and never really talk to anyone outside of work. However, this time I made a concious effort to be different. I actually began to hang out with these people outside of work, and they are good people.
Then the other night I had to endure one of the most awkward conversations revolving around religion, and how those outside of the church see Christians. It stung. (Oh and side note the people who were talking had no idea I was a Christian or went to church or anything. I had jut met those people that night.) I always kind of knew that a lot of people think churchgoers are judgmental and harsh. There are the perceptions that we consider ourselves better than you and that if you don't regularly attend church, pray, and read your bible you will burn in Hell. I say this harshly to make a point... Whether of not those perceptions are indeed true if that's the vibe we're throwing out there how can we ever reach those people?
I want to start off by sayind I am far from perfect. In fact somedays as I'm leaving church there are times I'm tempted to lose my temper driving because someone cut me off on the way home. It's ironic to me that Jesus called us to be know by our love for one another--which I think most of us can handle--yet what about our love for everyone else? Are we showing the love bestowed upon us by Christ to everyone we comeinto contact with, or do we just skate by with a friendly smile? I'm guilty. In the past I've pushed away from people because I knew we didn't have much in common and basically I felt pity for them for leading such an empty life full of drinking and partying. Now, I have to reconsider things because I was wrong to have those opinions. Those thoughts came from going to church and being taught to be like Jesus. Wait... I'm going somewhere with this.
I've sat through many sermons that have proclaimed our need to be like Christ. Look at the huge WWJD movement when we were all taught to reconsider our actions and be like Christ. Now this is a great idea because we should be like Jesus; however, we often make Jesus into someone that he was not. We have this pretty picture of him walking around with his followers, being adored by all, and preaching the word to an audience longing to hear the words he spoke. To an extent this is true, but many also hated Jesus. He surrounded himself with sinners because He knew that was the crowd of people who needed him the most.
If He were alive today Jesus would be talking to those people who hang out in bars and go partying every night they can. He'd be going down to Cass Park and talking with the people there. We do need to be available to those people who know Jesus but have just stopped going to church for a few months without a doubt. I'm just also saying we need to love everyone like Jesus loves us--unconditionally. We need to stop judging and start caring more. It's hard to do but Jesus asked us to and He promised us that He would never ask us to do anything that we did not have the strength to handle. So, let's remember to love like Jesus--that is all.

naps

2008-02-25T18:07:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny how as a child when you're forced to take a nap you never want to take advantage of the opportunity? As a child I would run away, hide, or do anything I could to avoid having to take naps. There were always more exciting things to do! I wanted to ride my bike, play basketball in the driveway, run so fast that I wouldn't be able to catch my breath, or go into the woods with my brother and all the other neighborhood boys. I was the only girl, so I had to be able to keep up and napping just would not do!
In high school I would have liked to take naps. However, I was always so busy with school, sports, friends, etc. that there never seemed to be enough hours in the day. In fact, I was thrilled when I got to sleep at least 7 hours at night.
Now as a college senior I find myself taking naps every chance I can get. This is most likely because there is so much more to do at night (during the designated sleeping hours) that I tend to make up for my lack of nighttime sleep during the daylight hours. Naps are my favorite down time activity. I bury myself in pillows and blankets and find myself asleep in mere moments. There is also something fantastic about sleeping longer than you know you should. I know there are those who say sleep is a waste of time and that's what death is for--or something morbid like that. Don't get me wrong they have a point, but sleep is still one of my all time favorite pastimes---that is all. :)

Quiet

2008-02-19T11:33:00.000-08:00

I started to lose my voice about three days ago. I went through the different phases of minor cracks, I sound like a frog, I can barely get a sentence out without sounding like Peter Brady in that special voice changing episode of the Brady Bunch, to this morning when I woke up and can barely say three words without getting stuck. It's kind of strange because I have no idea how it happened. I haven't really done any streneous voice activities lately, and I don't feel any pain from illness. I write this in order to tell you what I've been for forced to learn... how to play it easy, stop talking so much, and listen.
I do not claim to be an expert in any of these areas yet, but I am trying! I think it was almost a gift that I have been forced to take it easy in my room. I've had so much homework this week it's been ridiculous! Maybe that's good for me though...haha--that is all.

battle of the sexes?

2008-02-17T11:29:00.000-08:00

It is interesting that the generalization is often made that women are confusing. I am not denying that there is often truth to this; however, in my opinion men aren't that easy to understand either.
Today, Lindsay was reading a magazine that had an article about former tips for women from the 1960's. One of these tips was "Stay quiet when you disagree with your husband because a man rarely will divorce his wife for not speaking." I'm shocked at this statement, yet I decided to take it with a grain of salt. How often do men want to know what we're thinking until we try to tell them and they wish they'd never asked? Also, how many times do we wonder what guys are thinking when the truth is simply... nothing. Sometimes, we need to know when to shut up and hold our thoughts at bay until our emotions calm down and we can be sensible. However, there are also times when we must be respectful and listen to the person we cares about no matter how crazy they might sound. I mean the bible tells us to respect one another and be considerate of our needs as followers of Christ.
I know this is kind of one sided because I can really only speak for half of the population. Also noting I can't really speak for every female because we all are different. The only thing I hope to accomplish from this posting is that a little patience goes a long way. Admitting and accepting that we are different, but perhaps not from different planets (As the famous book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus suggests) but rather we just live in neighborhoods down the street from each other... things might get interesting. We must also remember to be men and women of God. Respect is key in this. When we respect each other things are so much better. It might just be a beginning, but we have to start somewhere... that is all.

happy valentine's day

2008-02-14T19:11:00.000-08:00

I have to give a special shout out to all those lovers out there on this hallmark holiday. I think that the idea of Valentine's Day is actually very sweet, but I'm actually a big fan for the spontaneous romance of some kind just because it's a Tuesday. Love is something so rare and special that when you find it you need to hold on to it. It's not often that you find a person who knows you inside and out and can cheer you up even when you are at your worst. I hope that everyone is lucky enough to find someone who fits that description. Sometimes it's a best friend, a spouse, or maybe a relative. However, the most important love for me has and will always be that which I have with God.

However, today is Valentine's Day and more focused on the "mushy stuff" of romance. So, I am going to go ahead and make my list of things that guys do that make me weak in the knees...

1) When a guy can make me laugh. Laughter is the best medicine by far, and I plan to spend my life doing just that.
2) When a guy can hold his own next to me and still treat me with kindness and respect at the same time.
3) When he has proper grammar, (I'm not asking for perfection, but it should be pretty close) for I am an English major.
4) When he's willing to hold my hand in front of anyone, even his guy friends.
5) When he can sense I'm having a bad day and just holds me, no questions asked, and lets me cry it out. Then wipes away my tears and tells me I'm beautiful even with red, puffy eyes.
6) When he challenges me to be a better person, especially spiritually.
7) When he shares my passions and can appreciate the things I hold close to my heart even if he doesn't really understand why.
8) When he loves and respects his family.
9) When he loves my family... even in spite of all our crazy antics.
10) When he digs country music as much as I do... even if it's just Rascal Flatts :)
11) When a guy looks at me with a strange expression and a twinkle in his eyes, which I know is a look reserved just for me.
12) When he is as addicted to coffee as I am. :)
13) When he loves the Lord and has a real relationship with God.
14) When he can tell what I'm thinking without my having to say a word.
15) When I can spend a whole day or night with him doing nothing and still have the best time.
16) When he smiles at me, pushes my hair out of my eyes and tucks it behind my ear then tells me he likes it better when he can look into my eyes.
17) When he tells me, and more importantly shows me, every day just how much I mean to him...

I say all these things with the understanding that I have the same standards for myself. So, this might seem like some random girl power trip, but I like to think of it as setting standards for yourself and following through on them because we too often settle when we should not---that is all. :)

Stress!!!

2008-02-13T10:44:00.000-08:00

There's always that week in my semester that I get hit in the face with a 2 by 4 and realize, "Wow, I have so much to do this week! Am I going to have time to sleep?!" It's usually about a week before midterms when the first few "real" papers are due. (I use the term "real" because I'm an English major and don't count anything as a paper unless it is at least 4 pages in length. Otherwise, I'd have about 3 papers due every week; which sounds overwhelming...) This is my week, or I should say next week is going to be that week.
I was playing the "question game" with a friend last night, and he asked me what is the one characteristic (non-physical) that I would like to change the most about myself. After about 20 to 40 seconds of deep thought I drew the conclusion that I let myself become stressed more than I would like. I used to be much worse as a sophomore in college--when the classes began to challenge me for the first time and my schedule was crammed with a part-time job, tutoring, club stuff, etc. Now, after 4 years of living with Lindsay, I'm gotten worn down some. However, I will always be a perfectionist when it comes to my writing and to be honest that will take a toll on me.
The problem with writing is that it is a neverending process. There are always ways to revise and improve it seems. I am not sure I have one paper I'm completely satisfied with that has value. I am impressed bu those who can write short stories and novels... how can you be published? I can't even handle an essay most days!
I say all this to challenge myself... This week my goal is to get everything done, and not only done, but done well...and here's the catch...while remaining calm and at a minimal stress level. So, pray for me that I won't pull out all my hair this weekend while I'm writing my papers, studying for my tests, and making my lesson plans...that is all.

Underneath The Snow

2008-02-10T18:21:00.000-08:00

One of the things I love most about Michigan is its ability to make me forget things. Every year I forget about the bitter cold until that first icy wind rips through my thick coat and sends chills through my entire body which cannot be shaken until a hot shower or warm nap. Today is one of those such days. The temperature remains in the negatives and I have remained in my room all day in my comfy clothing with a blanket wrapped around my body while sipping coffee. I spent the whole day writing too.
There is something about this kind of weather that makes me fingers itch to write something. It doesn't really have to be something brilliant, but I will admit I am content to write like I did in junior high. Every young writer knows what I'm talking about--when you wrote all these lofty statement pieces or poetry that was probably very bad because your thoughts weren't really developed yet.
However now when I write I see a blank canvas. I see a place to share my ideas with the world, or sometimes just a blank word document. It's a place to begin though. So, that's all I did today... write. I wrote a few short essays for my senior writing project (this took a long time being that I had to erase and rewrite almost everything at least once...) this was scary and revealed the perfectionist in me.
I'm looking at this weather as the inspiration for my writing. I'm looking forward to letting my ideas thaw and seeing what lies underneath all the ice and snow....that is all.

Rough Week

2008-02-07T16:37:00.000-08:00

I've neglected to write this week just because I was busy the first half (which I really don't mind) and the past two days have just been rough! So, I'll go ahead and do the typical this is what's been going on in my life sort of blogs...
Monday: classes all morning, jump start meeting all afternoon, coffee outing, worked all night, and then came back to ferndale and tried to crash, but I just couldn't fall asleep. I actually am enjoying my classes for the most part this semester. Sometimes they might seem pointless, but what semester isn't filled with its share of "busy work"? Jump Start is actually fun. I find myself enjoying the meetings because I like to think of creative things and planning something like this is challenging, but I also find it to be rewarding. Also, Ashley, Shane, and Terrill are great to work with which makes the job even more enjoyable. Coffee was good; I mean it was Starbucks... no brainer though. I needed a good laugh too and Nick is always good for that. Work was fine. It was kind of slow being a Monday night when the weather was kinda nasty and I do work at an outdoor mall.... I love the people I work with though! It's one of the best jobs I've had because everyone (for the most part) is so laid back.
Tuesday: I woke up early to go "teach" at Stoney. I use the quotes because I'm more of a glorified observer who steps in to give tutoring-like help sometimes. However, soon I will be taking over and teaching lessons all by myself... in about 2 weeks I think, scary thought! Then I came back here and was on a huge caffeine high which started to wear off about halfway through my own history class. 6:08a.m. to 4:17p.m. is a looooong day. After that I relaxed until the sfdn meeting at 7 which was at bdubs and not really a meeting. I would classify it as a social outing.
Wednesday: I will classify this as black Wednesday. The day started off as mildly annoying then got worse and worse until it reached horrible, it did peak right at the end though. :) First the sidewalks were covered in what can only be classified as slush which was annoying to walk through to my 3 classes all day. However, all of my classes ended early which was nice. Then as I was on my way to work my car just kind of died. I barely got off the road and into a parking lot. So, I had to get a ride to work and then after work when it still would not start (and it was not the battery I tried to jump it myself, yes I know how to jump a car... shocking I know). It just revs and the engine won't turn over, sad. The best part was having a good friend cheer me up though. It's great to have someone care about you like that. It really shows you who's important in your life.
Thursday: Well that would be today, so I'm pretty sure I still recall what happened. First my 8a.m. class got canceled and I had found out just before bed, so that made it even nicer with the sleeping in. Next I went to class and assembly followed by lunch. Here's where my day gets interesting. You see I am the type of preson who lives to be independent. However, I have so many people in my life who are so eager to help me that I find myself utilizing them. But this time I called roadside assistance and took care of everything all by myself. There are something so fulfilling about taking care of my own problems. I'm still slightly concerned about being responsible for all my own stuff in a year, but this was a nice to have this preview and realize I might be able to take care of myself more than I thought....that is all.

People Watcher

2008-02-03T12:18:00.000-08:00

Did you ever find yourself staring at someone without realizing it? Or maybe you just did it on purpose and you don't even mind getting caught. Today I found myself looking around during the announcement's portion of church. My eyes drifted to the families with all the young children coloring and scrambling around in the pews playing with their sibling or friend. Then the cute older couple who still hold hands and share a songbook. Next, the newlyweds who stare so lovingly at each other and you can still see the newness of their bond. I know going to church has different meanings for different people, but for me there is something special about taking note in the people who surround us rather than just worrying about my own spiritual journey.
I find myself getting so caught up in work and school that often I forget to notice what else is going on around me. It's the beginning of another month and the goal I've decided to set for myself to be be a better observer. This might go rather badly, but I'm going to at least give it a shot and be more open to others' needs. That is all.

Timing

2008-01-30T22:55:00.000-08:00

When will things ever fall into place? I keep praying that God will reveal his plans to me. He has a serious sense of humor when it comes to relationships in my life. Yes, I’m finally resolving to dive into the topic I've been avoiding like the plague-- I'm referring to my relationships, which make up a significant part of any person's life, and which I have avoided mentioning up until now because I have felt like they should remain private. However, I can't discuss the past week without just admitting that is what I'm referring to here.

I am anxious. I wish I knew the end of my story. When I first pick up a novel I am always tempted to cheat and look ahead to the ending. I'm also a little mushy and admit that I like the happy endings. In my life, I want to fast forward into the future and see what God has in store for me. Like any good novel I know it will have its twists and turns, ups and downs, zigs, and zags... etc. However, also like any good novel, I know the ending is going to be amazing because God has written more "best sellers" than J.K. Rowling...

So, I'm listening for His voice and waiting for His hand to turn me in the right direction. Maybe this is some way for my will and heart to both be strengthened? I must at least try to take this opportunity to learn some patience and open my ears in order to listen in Him. That is all.

Thinking.... But Not Over Doing It

2008-01-23T19:50:00.000-08:00

It's funny how often people have a tendency to over think what should be the rather simple. I am guilty of this myself. I worry about the things I can't even control to the point of thinking how to avoid tragedy. The irony in this is that most of the things I get myself stressed over, surprise, surprise... NEVER HAPPEN. Often we want to say this is a "girl thing" and the female sex is guilty of overanalyzing far more often than men. I would like to make an argument against this accusation because stereotypes are just so overrated. We are all guilty of this whether we want to fess up to it or not.
As I continue to add to the list of things I want to work on this semester-- over thinking is moving up on the list. I pledge to never over think anything ever again... okay let's be a little more realistic. I will try my best to cut back on over thinking things, especially the things I cannot control.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change those I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

...that is all.

Give me a break

2008-01-21T10:10:00.001-08:00

Yes, it's sad but I must admit the kit-kat jingle came to mind as I was thinking of how to title this blog post. This weekend I have done nothing productive. I am currently in Ohio and every day I have slept in and lounged the majority of the day just relaxing and almost falling asleep. Yesterday I even too a little nap... for about 2 hours. However, the Sunday afternoon nap is tradition and there's just something about getting up going to church, sitting through the service (usually thinking about how the singing might be improved; I am guilty) and thinking about lunch as soon as the final prayer ends, then eating a ridiculous amount of food and crashing. I mean it just isn't Sunday if this routine is not strictly enforced.
Now, I don't have any classes today and part of me was tempted to get a head start of the week ahead and maybe even next week. However, after careful consideration I have changed my mind. I never go a weekend without doing homework, so I'm taking this time to do nothing. However, in all this relaxation I do want to remember why I have this time.
Martin Luther King Jr. was a great man, and today we need to remember all the good that he did on behalf of the civil rights movement. Take a moment to honor this great man today... that is all.

A&F Blues

2008-01-17T20:18:00.000-08:00

Some days I love my job, others.. well you know. Yesterday as I walked into work I was in a good mood. This is surprising because all day I had been dreading it and was somehow hoping that I would need to attend to an emergency of some kind and get out of it. However, I was not that fortunate. A shocking thing happened though when I got there... I decided to make the best of it and have a good time, which is what you should always do at your job and if that's impossible for you to do then maybe you need a new job. (Just a thought...) As I begin to joke around and challenge my fellow co-workers to fold-offs I saw an opportunity. EVERYONE was just in a bad mood. I started to get torn down myself then had to stop, step back, and rethink the situation. (This is something new I've been trying, the whole take a step back, breathe, evaluate the situation then see what you can do to improve it.) I began to get annoyed. Didn't these people know I was in a good mood and they were killing it? How selfish... of me. I had been given a gift, or rather, an opportunity to cheer these people up. So, that's what I did for the 5 hours I was with them. I have no idea how successful I really was, but I do know that for a short period of time they got to be amused by my ridiculous antics and, hopefully, forget whatever was going on in their lives outside of A&F to make them so melancholy. My overall challenge is three-fold (for all you Friends fans out there...) 1.) Don't let others tear you down, inside use it as a chance to lift them up 2.) Make the best of any situation you find yourself 3.) Have fun and enjoy life whenever you have an opportunity, and sometimes you have to make your own opportunities.... that is all.

Look Like A Teacher

2008-01-15T17:03:00.000-08:00

You know that phrase if it looks like an apple, tastes like an apple, and feels like an apple then it's probably an apple? (Or something like that... haha) Well I was thinking about it today because I got some "teaching clothes" in the mail today. They were a belated Christmas present; which is nice because who doesn't love getting mail? However, I stray though from my point-- I tried them on, threw on my high heels and twisted my hair sticking it into place with a few bobby pins then looked in the mirror hoping to look at least 19 or 20. I usually look about 16 or 17 and that's never a good thing when you step in front of a room full of high school juniors or seniors and demand their attention... Looking over my outfit I shuddered... "Did I look like a teacher?" I couldn't help but wonder. Are my mannerisms sophisticated enough to pull off teaching "punk" 18 year olds in my honors class. I fear that as I start this next student teaching practicum the students might have more content knowledge than me! How am I going to pull this one off? Am I ready to be an adult? It's a journey and this is just the next step I need to take.

Side not, but it fits nicely... I was talking to a friend from work last week about outlandish metaphors, and we were trying to come up with enough to write a book... (I have no idea how, but it was actually quite funny in the moment.) In all our banter he said one that stuck...
"Walking is like building stairs. You have to do it one step at a time." (Thanks Sam) So, pray that I just take this journey one step at a time and remember this when I' starting to get too stressed.... that is all.

Growing Up

2008-01-13T18:34:00.000-08:00

Today was a day for self-reflection. In a nutshell, I have not been really happy with certain areas of my life for awhile now, and today it really hit me. I have wanted to blame the people around me instead of talking responsibility for myself. Then it hit me, if I'm the one with the problems maybe it's not everyone else, maybe, just maybe, it's me who needs to make a change. Something I've always struggled with is admitting when I'm wrong and although I've gotten a little better over the past few years, I still have a long way to go. So, here I am admitting I've been wrong... a lot. I need to grow up and start being more of an adult. I need to be less selfish and start thinking about how what I say or do affects others. This is just a glimpse at the thoughts that are plagueing my mind right now, but I'm praying about it. I will continue to pray about it, and I do ask for your prayers too. It's a lifelong journey, but I have to make en effort to start somewhere, here I go...

time

2008-01-07T20:45:00.001-08:00

“Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.” - Theophrastus

I admit I completely stole this quote from Brandon's website, but I read it and couldn't help but think it was worth stealing. I mention it now because of a conversation I had just last night when a friend said, "I don't believe in 'I don't have enough time for that' because we make time for the things that are important to us."
This got me to thinking how right he was in this statement. Over the past 3 1/2 years of my college career I have always stayed busy juggling 18+ credit hours, working, spending time with friends and family, etc. and it can be overwhelming. But, I'd like to think that when push comes to shove and I have to prioritize, people come first. I'm sure there have been exceptions to this, but if one of my friends really needs me I always manage to find the time. I stay up all night, give up on studying, or even forgo food (gasp) if I have a friend in need. I have never once regretted getting a lower grade on a test or paper or having to drink some extra coffee because I did not get enough sleep because I spent too much time with a person.
As I enter the final months of my college career I think back and smile at some of the wonderful experiences I've had because of the wonderful people in my life. My challenge to anyone who actually reads this (haha) is to think were you put your time because that will show you who or what you find most important.

1st day back

2008-01-07T19:11:00.000-08:00

My alarm went off far too early this morning, 7:07 a.m. I rolled over and hit the snooze a few times and just thought to myself, "Wow, I'm going to have to get better at waking up if I'm going to be a teacher the rest of my life." A thought that has loomed over me for years...
First class of the semester: Pluralism with Anne Nichols. She has far too much energy for 8a.m. and I knew this going in because I had her last semester in the exact same time slot for American Writers. I will say this though; she does dress adorably. These are the things I tend to notice in younger teachers since I soon will be one myself and am trying to collect more "adult clothing" to teach in. It's funny how many of my outfits have evolved over the past 4 years. A cute dress I used to often wear to church now paired with a cardigan is my "teacher look" according to my friends. Before I declared my major it was simply a dress....
My second class of the day was Foundations of Education with Mr. Dawson. This is my fourth semester in a row of having him. Lindsay has him three classes in a row this semester... (I think she might have a crush). He is the essence of organization. I have never meet a professor who has better time management skills in my 3 1/2 years of college.
As I left this class I found myself walking with Lindsay to assembly and felt this wave of sadness. I'm a big nerd, but I couldn't help but think this is the last "first day of classes" for me. Sure, I have student teaching in the fall, but that's a whole new thing. I think about my brother who began teaching first graders today and shutter when I realize in a year's time that will be me and I'll be "Ms. Johnson". Weird!
My thought for the day: I'm not going to dwell on all the "last times" instead I want to embrace them and enjoy my last real semester of college. We often spend far too much time worrying and getting stressed over school that we seem to forget to enjoy it (Although, there are those who enjoy it too much too. haha) I want to find a good balance this year between school, work, and friends and begin to make the transition into the future. Also, when in doubt look to God, He's got things under control.

57 years

2008-01-06T15:45:00.000-08:00

My grandma is one of my favorite people. She's not your typical sugary sweet grandma who is always baking cookies and pinching your cheeks. (I'm not even sure if those exist or you just see them in movies.) She's sarcastic and sharp as a tack. I know, I know... I had to get my sarcastic side from someone...
Anyways, I digress... I mention her because today is her 57th anniversary, and she's been bringing it up most any chance she can get for about a month now. I have this weird memory (that is completely useless in real life) to recall dates. Birthdays, anniversaries, dates of any sort of significance (and many of no significance what-so-ever) have a way of staying lodged in my mind forever. So, I have no idea why she feels the need to remind me of things, but she does. Therefore, I feel the need to pretend I have no idea what she's hinting about whenever she brings up her birthday or anniversary. I am however a good granddaughter who remembers to call her on all these special occasions. This morning I hugged her at church and told her "Happy Anniversary" and promised to swing by her house on my way back to school.
At 2:47 this afternoon I found myself driving down the street and pulling into her driveway. A place of familiarity since she has lived there are long as I've been on this planet.
It is the home in which my father grew up, and I still can picture him and my two uncles running around the yard and jumping through the sprinkler. It always makes me smile. Stepping through the door I am often greeted by my grandma sitting at her kitchen table watching a game show and tackling a crossword puzzle. She always seems to have a sort of scowl on her face, but I know she is one of the most loving women I have had the pleasure of knowing.
Today, I also had the pleasure of being greeted by my grandpa and uncle who were also sitting with her. I tell my grandpa "happy anniversary" and make a snide comment about how impressive it is that he's lasted 57 years with my grandma without going crazy. (I shutter to think my grandchild will make the same joke about me 60 years from now...) And next I hand them a card which is sappy and I know will make my grandma smile. (She loves the pretty cards with the calligraphy words.)
Soon it is just the two of us, me and my grandma, sitting at the table. I pull out a deck of cards and her cribbage board and we do what we always do, play cards. (And I ALWAYS have to win) The conversation soon picked up and I told her how amazing it was that she was still so in love with my grandpa after all these years. When I see them look at each other or my grandpa playfully tease my grandma, there it is. That look in their eyes, the sparkle that I see between my parents too. They are even more in love now after 57 years of marriage. Meaning thousands of fights, compromises, disagreements, kisses, hugs, angry words, loving words etc. later they have just fallen harder for each other in a world where the chances of a marriage surviving can be decided with the flip of a coin, heads or tails, only 50% of marriages last.
I see them and know... that's what I want my marriage to be like. God has a special guy picked out for me, who will look at me like that 50+ years down the road. I just know it...that is all.

It Starts...

2008-01-04T12:40:00.000-08:00

I have always refused to start a blog. This is simply due to the fact that I did not want it to become one of those "Dear Diary" things where I wrote in it consistantly for a week or two then never touched it again. However, I'm going to conform to the trend that started years ago and just see how I manage.
So, it seems appropriate to start with the whole it's another new year, 2008, and what my resolutions are going to be for the next year of my life. I've never been too serious about resolutions. I always ponder a few possible ideas and try to make one, but it's never something like: lose weight (that would be ridiculous in my case), make more money (I'm going into education, clearly this isn't something I'm too concerned about), or quit smoking or drinking (I'd have to start one of those habbits in order to quit). Instead I like to take this opportunity to try and improve my spiritual walk in some way, shape, or form.
I know what you're thinking, I'm corny and even a tad bit trite. I'll be the first to admit it sounds that way. God is the most important aspect of my life though. He is the one part of my life that is always constant.
In the past year I look back and realize so many things have happened. The plans I had laid out for myself could not be further from the way things have turned out. So "Thank God for Unanswered Prayers" (Yes, I'm stealing much of my blogging material from the titles of country congs, thanks Garth) In the past year I have lost friends and gained new ones and thanks to Tracy Lawrence I've "found out who my real friends are..."
The past year was by far the hardest one I have gone through. It was also one of the best! It's true that nothing worth having does not come without a fight, pain, or loss. So, it is 2008. I will graduate college at the end of this year and be thrown out into the "real world" of hopefully teaching high school students the rest of my life. This year I hope to grow in the Lord. My goal is to give up all the things I worry about and stress over to Him because I'm pretty sure He can handle it. That is all...