what's my style?

At church we just started a sermon series called "You've got Style." Basically it explores the different ways that we worship and draw close to God. It's something that seems to pop up every year or two at Bristol Road, and it's because we are always changing as a church family. How can we not constantly be changing as we grow in Christ? I've tried on so many "styles" over the years, there are times when I wonder which style is really my own? I guess I haven't found it yet, or else I would know, right?
I hear people talk about the countless ways they find God: in worship..through song, or by keeping a journal, or in nature, or at home..alone in prayer, or by reading their Bibles. I find God through all of these methods to a certain extent, but I just don't know what really gets me on fire for Christ. I feel close to God when I meditate on Him. In those moments when I really sit and think about my faith and examine the flaws I want to change in myself are when I feel honest and vulnerable. Being vulnerable has never been easy for me, so the fact that I can do that with God is a big deal.
Then there are times when I wonder if I'm really feeling close to God or I just think I should be feeling close to Him. Sometimes I almost wish I hadn't grown up in the church...almost. Don't get me wrong. I'm so grateful for my parents, who are the best examples I could ask for, and I feel so blessed that they always made religion and faith apart of my life. But, there are times when I find ti hard to separate what I truly feel and what I think I should feel because I've always had God in my life. I remember when I was a little girl, and I really wanted to be baptized, probably when I was about 8, but my parents wanted me to wait. They just wanted to make sure I knew what I was committing to, and I think they were right...only do we ever really understand what that decision entails. I was baptized at a young age, 11 to be exact. I think about it now, and it was the best decision I could have ever made. But now, at 22, I see the significance of that act more clearly than 11 years ago when I first made the commitment. But let's say for argument's sake I'd wait until I was 18, when I legally became an adult, well I've learned a lot about myself in the past 4 years too. I think the easiest comparison is a marriage. At the alter do the bride and groom completely understand the commitment they are making? I mean, yes, they know it is forever, but they have no idea how it will change over time and how intimately connected they will become? How could you? As we get older we change. We have to learn how to communicate effectively in order to grow together. Well, after we commit to Christ in baptism, we have to constantly communicate with Him too through His word and prayer. When do we ever stop growing in our relationship with Christ? Never. It's crazy to think how much I continue to evolve in my faith. I still have so much to learn about myself in Christ. I struggle all the time. I often feel cold, like I'm just going through the motions by going to church and saying my prayers at night. So, what's my style? I really don't know, but it doesn't scare me as much as it used to because at the core of it all I love the Lord, and He is in my heart. ..that is all.