Post Celebration

Celebration 2008--Broadway has come to an end. I feel relieved, happy, sad, and so tired still. Celebration always seems to be the glue which holds social clubs together in the spring semester and even though I will be technically enrolled here through December, due to my student teaching, in many ways this is my last semester. Therefore, it felt like an ending.

SFDN has always held such a special place in my heart over my time at RC. There are days in which I feel stressed and upset due to the polictics that come with the group, but the bonds I have formed over the past 3 years are so special I don't regret much of anything else that had to come with it. I'm not saying social clubs are the right fit for everyone or that you'll regret not being a member of one if you go to college here. However, I think people should stop writing them off as "paying to have friends" here.

I'm so glad I got to be apart of this group. If I hadn't joined I wouldn't be friends with some of the people who are now sisters to me. There are girls in Sigma Phi who are so different from me, and I feel that in college we tend to cling to people who we have a lot in common with. Stressful events like Celebration can draw us all together. In the end we accomplish something as a team and it feels so great. So, thanks to everyone involoved in Celebration-- Stephanie, Karina, Steve, Darren, the entire tech crew, singers, dancers, hosts, actors, etc. because this was one of the most enjoyable Celebrations I have been involved in...that is all.

Intellectual?

There are many people who write blogs to share these deep thoughts and ponderings that they struggle with. My blog has never been meant to provoke crazy thoughts. I admit there are times when I try to write about something a little deeper than what is on the surface; however, I'm not one to sit and try and sound intellectual for a few pages worth of blog material.
However, my thought for the day is that we need to stop trying be sound intellectual and start being intellectual. I hate when people use big words and don't even know what they mean. Let's work on writing and saying things we actually know about instead of the things we think people want to hear.

crazy and loving it

I'm deciding to put my life on hold and write. There is something so powerful about sitting on my bed, gazing at the ceiling, and wondering about whatever issues are flooding my thoughts. I find words as a release. In words we can express our emotions-good and bad-, our struggles, triumphs, defeats, mundain stories, laugh provoking tales, etc. This is why I started my blog. I've been writing now for almost 3 months and even though there are many times I wish I had more time to devote to it life is just not always that kind. Between school, my 2 jobs, celebration practices, student teaching, and any time left over for a social life my writing has been shoved on the back burner. Actually, it has been focused more on my school work, particularly my senior writing project.

This project is the first of the developments in my life that I'll hit on. Whe I was brainstorming what to do--research or creative writing--I knew I had to do something that I would enjoy. Over the years I have written many research papers and if it's a good topic that can be enjoyable. There is something so powerful about the ability to explore something that sparks your curiousity and even better gain knowledge to fuel deeper and more meaning critical thinking. I'm writing 7 vignettes to define abstract ideas through concrete descriptions. I'm far too much of a perfectionist though and keep tweaking it. I wonder if I will ever be happy with it. I'm satisfied but to be happy might be asking too much.

Next, work is killer. I keep picking up hours whenever I can because I love working and need money. Crazy how that works out. Also Jump Start, my second job, is beginning to get more involved. It's been a lot of fun planning Freshman Orientation for next year, and I'm hoping/praying everything turns out great. :) I'm trying to save up as much money as I can for when I move into an apartment this summer.

This brings me to my next topic--I'm going to be moving into an apartment and staying in the Rochester area this summer instead of going home unless some unforseen event happens in the next 5 weeks. I'm so excited to be on my own for the first time. I'm looking for a waitressing job down here for the summer alongside A&F. This brings me to another funny thing career orientented topic. I'm considering taking a manager position at A&F when I graduate until I can find a teaching job. Nashville is still a possibility but in signing a lease I'm committing myself to staying in Michigan until next summer, and I need a few options.

Celebration is well... crazy. My nights have been plagued with practices, but it's been fun. I was seriously considering not participating this year because my schedule is so full; however, I'm so glad I did. It is my senior year, and I have had so many laughs doing it this one last year. Of course this is merely the beginning of tech week... talk to me in about 24 more hours. :)

Student Teaching... well it's been more of a challenge then I thought it would be but great! Every day I wonder if this is the right career path for me and the more I get into teaching the more I start to think this is the right choice for me. Last week I taught a lesson on commas Tuesday then had to grade a huge stack of papers and write my lesson plans to cover the common mistakes everyone seemed to be struggling with to teach first thing on Wedneday. I of course had my own classes, work, and celebration practice too which made this more difficult... but when I began grading the papers and seeing how I could help to improve my student's grammar I was really happy. I love being in front of a class with 30 kids looking to me for direction. It's such a big responsibility, but I'm up for the challenge.

So, that's a small update into the crazy schedule I've been coping with the past couple of weeks. I wish I had more time to sleep, but then I think that I have all the time in the world to sleep after college, right?

Oh and how could I forget March Madness?!? I love watching the college basketball tourney every March. It's truly one of the things I look forward to each year, and I struggle tearing myself away from the t.v. because the upsets and OTs are so exciting. I'm not claiming to be a bracket expert, although I try. :) It's just something fun that really makes the stress of everything else melt away at least for a few hours....that is all.

Define Yourself

Just what every college senior wants... to look in the mirror and ask the question, "Who am I?" Then even scarier, "What am I doing when I graduate in 9 months?" I've always wanted to be a teacher, but lately I just don't know if it's what's right. Funny enough student teaching is what is beginning to change my mind. I spend every Tuesday and some Fridays at Stoney Creek watching a great English teacher and think to myself... "Is this going to be me?"
I just want my own class. I want routine instead of being a guest star every week. I love teaching, but there is just too much involved in pre-teaching that doesn't really help all that much. I'm not trying to bash Rochester College's education program. It's not them because all colleges are like this. Speaking as a student going through the long, tedious program I have to say it could be shortened. It's more important to have a few very good placements, rather than many mediocre. I'm burnt out already after my "week off". haha I need spring break part 2, and it should take place somewhere warm, preferrably with a beach. :) This is why I picked education, so I could get my summers off. ...just kidding! (well kind of)
Do I know what I want to do when I graduate? Not really, but I feel as though education is my calling and even though some days are rough when all is said and done I love it. I love every minute I get to spend lecturing, writing lessons, grading papers, reading a story together in class and discussing its characteristics, and I love helping students. Whether I help them pick teams for March Madness, correct/edit a paper, or show them how to fix a comma splice I know I belong in the classroom...that is all.

Preview of Growing up

So, it's 1:47 a.m. and, go figure, I'm wide awake. Actually, it's now 2:48 a.m. because the clocks jump forward an hour tonight... great. :) I hate losing that hour of sleep, especially at the close of my spring break. The spring break of my senior year of college is basically over, and it's back to class for me on Monday. What an interesting break it has been... I didn't go anywhere but had a lot of fun. Without having classes, I've been filling my days with teaching and work, and it felt like a preview of life after college. Don't get me wrong I spent plenty of time relaxing, heading up to lifetime, and hanging out with friends. Still, it was similar to what my life will be like in less than a year.
People keep asking me what I want to do when I graduate, and I never know what to tell them. I've mentioned before that I would not mind staying in Michigan, but on the other hand it would be amazing to try something new. However, I'm considering things I never thought I would these days. An example would be staying in Rochester over the summer, preferably in an apartment, and then finding a decent job in the area. I'm so eager to be on my own. I'm a little scared of having to pay all of my own bills because my parents have been so financially supportive of me over the year, but I know I can handle it.
Do you ever have that feeling that God has great plans in store for you, but you think to yourself, "God, can you speak up? I'm your instrument, but I need some more direction." So, I lay awake in my bed unsure of the future but so eager to see what's going to happen. I'm reminded of a quote a friend of mine used to say quite frequently, (and I'm not sure where it's originally from so that citation will have to satisfise) "I'm not sure what my future holds, but I'm sure of who holds my future plans." ..that is all.

Loving Like my Lord

Isn't it funny how we as Christians tend to steer away from the "sinners" or "heathens"---basically the non-church goers, even though this was the group that Jesus spent the majority of His time with?
I think about my life and how sheltered it has been. The only times I haven't been completely surrounded by people with the same religious affiliations were at my different jobs. It started off simply enough when I was 17 and working at Subway. (Yes, you can giggle softly to yourself because I was a "sandwich artist" yet, I feel it should be noted I was promoted to a "crew leader in 3 short months--quite the feat.) I worked with a few people who had colorful words intermingled in their vocabulary and who might tell a crazy drinking story here or there. I then worked at Hollister for awhile and got introduced to all the crazy drinking stories from my two managers who were in a fraternity together at Oakland University along with high school students who regaled me with their crazy antics from the weekends. Next, I entered the restaurant world and was surrounded by those who were stunned by the fact that I had never smoked, drank alcohol, or had sex, and I was 20 years old. I was in fact called a "unicorn" because someone my age with all these characteristics shouldn't exist. Now I work at Abercrombie and Fitch and almost all of my co-workers go to OU and like to party. I have always pulled away from this group in the past. I would often go into work I get along with everyone, but at the end of my workday I'd leave and never really talk to anyone outside of work. However, this time I made a concious effort to be different. I actually began to hang out with these people outside of work, and they are good people.
Then the other night I had to endure one of the most awkward conversations revolving around religion, and how those outside of the church see Christians. It stung. (Oh and side note the people who were talking had no idea I was a Christian or went to church or anything. I had jut met those people that night.) I always kind of knew that a lot of people think churchgoers are judgmental and harsh. There are the perceptions that we consider ourselves better than you and that if you don't regularly attend church, pray, and read your bible you will burn in Hell. I say this harshly to make a point... Whether of not those perceptions are indeed true if that's the vibe we're throwing out there how can we ever reach those people?
I want to start off by sayind I am far from perfect. In fact somedays as I'm leaving church there are times I'm tempted to lose my temper driving because someone cut me off on the way home. It's ironic to me that Jesus called us to be know by our love for one another--which I think most of us can handle--yet what about our love for everyone else? Are we showing the love bestowed upon us by Christ to everyone we comeinto contact with, or do we just skate by with a friendly smile? I'm guilty. In the past I've pushed away from people because I knew we didn't have much in common and basically I felt pity for them for leading such an empty life full of drinking and partying. Now, I have to reconsider things because I was wrong to have those opinions. Those thoughts came from going to church and being taught to be like Jesus. Wait... I'm going somewhere with this.
I've sat through many sermons that have proclaimed our need to be like Christ. Look at the huge WWJD movement when we were all taught to reconsider our actions and be like Christ. Now this is a great idea because we should be like Jesus; however, we often make Jesus into someone that he was not. We have this pretty picture of him walking around with his followers, being adored by all, and preaching the word to an audience longing to hear the words he spoke. To an extent this is true, but many also hated Jesus. He surrounded himself with sinners because He knew that was the crowd of people who needed him the most.
If He were alive today Jesus would be talking to those people who hang out in bars and go partying every night they can. He'd be going down to Cass Park and talking with the people there. We do need to be available to those people who know Jesus but have just stopped going to church for a few months without a doubt. I'm just also saying we need to love everyone like Jesus loves us--unconditionally. We need to stop judging and start caring more. It's hard to do but Jesus asked us to and He promised us that He would never ask us to do anything that we did not have the strength to handle. So, let's remember to love like Jesus--that is all.