exhasted

Yesterday was great! It was the first time I worked by myself, and I even got to run orientation... scary I know. haha I now have my own key to the store as well as a new schedule that I had a rough time keeping up with this weekend. I worked 5 days straight, which was kinda crazy. Usually around day 3 I can't feel my feet at all and my day off is looming before me; however, this time I had to forget that and power through 5 days. Today was very stressful and really tested me. We were busy not only with customers all day, but with getting the new floor set out. Here's the shocking part though.... I LOVED IT! This morning when my alarm first went off I wasn't sure how I'd make it through the day, but once I was there and had finished my coffee of course I loved being there. The people I work with make me laugh and love my job. There is something so amazing about loving my job this much even with the hours I'm logging there. So...this summer might be filled with work, but there is fun tied in there somewhere too...that is all.

the drive home

Today when work was over, I just wanted to climb into my car and drive home. There are always those days that have dragged by slowly. When you catch yourself glancing at your clock and wondering if time is actually moving backwards. Then you get out of work and drive home with autopilot on. The asphalt becomes a blur, and when you finally reach your destination you find you cannot remember the drive at all.

It was just one of those days. I kept wondering where the time seems to go. Work has taken over a huge chunk of my life this summer. I guess this is a huge taste of what it will be like to grow up and have to go to work every day. It makes me really cherish the relationships I have. The summer has always been a time for me to work. I like to stay busy and save up money for the times when I find myself too busy to log hours during the school year. However, summertime has also provided me with the opportunity to see who cares enough to put in time.

A good friendship is not defined by how often you see each other in my opinion. A strong relationship can stand the test of distance. It's knowing that even if you do not have the time to see each other or talk you still know each other inside and out. You would still be there for him or her in a heartbeat if they called and needed you, dropping anything else because the friendship you have with that person is more important than whatever you might be doing.

On my drive home I thought about my friendships, both new and old. It's funny how much my life has "changed" and yet remained the same over the past few years. I swore I'd never work retail again after Hollister, but here I am a manager at A&F--working for the same company. I never thought I'd live in Ferndale over the summer...here I am though. There are so many factors of my life that a year ago I wouldn't have thought to predict. Sometimes on the drive home I find my mind wandering towards them and I wonder...what does God have in store for me in the future that I could not even imagine? ...that is all.

shifting sand

Back in high school my brother had the Caedmon's Call c.d. (yes, it was an actual compact disc). I remember listening to one song in particular and for some reason today it popped into my head. It's called Shifting Sand, and I'm not sure I realized exactly want it meant back then. However, I always thought it was catchy and liked listening to it.

One line played over and over in my head today at work.... It was the only thing that got me through my 10 hour shift. To be honest, I'm not sure why it was a "bad day" because nothing horrible happened. I walked into the store at 8 a.m. a little tired but happy. However, after a few rude customers and a few minor things that went wrong I just got annoyed and frustrated. Then I walked around quiet the majority of the afternoon, not being nice or rude just blah... This is very unlike my normal work mode. Typically I'm bouncing up and down "dancing" across the store with a smile on my face. I just needed to get through the day...

I often let the little things get to me. If only I could be better at rolling things off my back. However, this song reminded me that although my faith is like shifting sand, thankfully God's lI need to start remembering to be more like that. When someone is rude to me at work this week my goal is to be extra nice to the next three people I speak to, whether they are my associates, co-workers, customers, etc.

Often Patrick Mead will end his services at Rochester COC with some sort of admonition, and that is how I feel inspired to finish this blog, with a little help from Caedmon's Call too.

I will not believe the lies that Satan feeds me daily.
I am loved, and I am special.
I will strive to do what is right and pray for strength when I feel too weak to do so.
I am loved, and I am important.
In all that I do I will try to reflect the same love and compassion that my Heavenly Father has shown me.
God in front of you....leading you through each day.
God to your left....when you sway from the path.
God to your right...when you feel weak and start to faint.
God behind you....catching you when you stumble or fall.
I will stand firm on HIS grace.


Shifting Sand:

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And every day I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind

I hear it all depends on my faith
So I'm feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they're so mysterious

And like a consumer I've been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my 15 minutes of faith,
Then I'd be secure

(Chorus)
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

I've begged you for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leperous hand
And lions resting lazily

A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I've seen so much
I explained it away

Chorus

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time

(Chorus repeated)

Stand on grace

Ephesians

Yesterday I went to church and heard one of the best sermons I've heard in a long time. Dr. John Barton was guest speaking at Lake Orion COC and delivered a lesson on Ephesians. Now, if someone had asked me to tell them everything I knew about this book before Dr. Barton's sermon I would have most likely shrugged, scratched my head, and said something along the lines of, "Paul wrote it while he was in prison. It talks about wives submitting to their husbands and also how husbands should love their wives."

Dr. Barton broke the book down into two parts. Splitting it right down the middle, chapters 1-3 then 4-6. In the first half of the book we learn that we are blessed. As Dr. Barton even said, "We are filthy rich!" We have a loving father in Heaven who spoils us rotten. He continuously blesses us and showers us with his loving affection. We often find ourselves complaining about bills, work, and the other hardships of life, but we need to remember how much God has blessed us too. I admit this is an area I need to work on.

The second half of the sermon focused on part two (chapters 4-6) which teach us how to live Christian lives. However, this is what confuses people in the church often. We strive to be "good enough" which is actually impossible. It isn't some check list that God has up there, "Did she pray enough? How often did she read her Bible? Did she treat others with respect and love them as with Jesus' love at all times?" It's more of a system in which grace takes over, and we just do the best we can.

The last part of the sermon.... REMEMBER to keep this book in order. We don't act a certain way in order to reap God's blessings. Rather, we are blessed just because He loves us, and then we should strive to serve him to the best of our ability...that is all. (For now at least.)

Awake

It's actually 2:30 in the morning, yet I find myself awake and wanting to write. I make no promises for the value about this blog; however, I will say there is just something about writing between the hours of 2 and 5a.m. that makes me smile.

So, my material tonight will come from a famous quote. You see, I've heard this quote for years and always loved what it said; yet lately it has become more relevant.

"A man is what he thinks about all day long." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Now, Emerson is without question one of my favorite authors, and he is famous for his quotes. They are always penetrating and thought provoking. The thing I love most about this quote is how honest it is...think about it. We claim to be a certain way, but actions always speak louder than words. What do our thoughts revolve around?

Lately, mine have been work, work, red wings, work, and I hope I have time to get everything else done when I'm not at work. So, what's missing? I can tell you right now my spiritual life has taken a backseat to my new work schedule. I'm ashamed to admit that I spend 50 hours a week at my job, and on my day off, Sunday, I didn't even go to church for 2 hours. A messily 2 hours could not be sacrificed to do something to feed my spiritual fire...that is pathetic!

Sure, I can make up the excuse that my friend spent the night with me and she doesn't really do the whole Church of Christ thing because she was raised Catholic. However, my thoughts were not where they belong. They seem like such a blur lately. My focus has been all wrong. Don't get me wrong because I love my job! I think it's a great job too despite all the preconceptions people tend to make about my store. It's easy to do considering some of the clothing we sell and all, but to judge someone for working there is not Christian.

So, it's been easy to be selfish lately and think about my job and what I want to do in my spare time (the little I have) but in the next week I want to challenge myself to think about others first and myself secondly. This being largely in respect to my family.

Also, I want my thoughts to turn to a spiritual focus. I want God to be in the center on my life. He has always been in my life, but now He will be what I'm focusing on. I want to get back into the whole prayer journal thing. The summer I wrote one every day was the summer I figured out all my junk. I stopped believing out of habit and began to explore the why factor. Why am I a Christian? Why do I believe the things I do? Why go to church? ...and the list goes on and on. I guess by putting this down in writing I'm making a formal commitment to do all this stuff....that is all.

Summer

It's now June. I find it so hard to believe I finished my last final a month ago, but this is mainly due to the fact that Oklahoma added two weeks to my semester and work keeps me busy now. This has been a great summer though. I love that I always have somewhere to be; whether that be work, a friend's apartment or house, or whatever errands need to be taken care of. Keeping busy makes the time go by faster then I would prefer, but I have no complaints because I'm having a fun time doing everything.
Kara spent the night with me Saturday, which was great. I was especially in a good mood because the Red Wings had just won their game making it 3-1 in the finals against the penguins. I'm so sad I have to miss what will probably be the last game tonight since I work and all... However, it's kind of a fact of life that you have to do certain things you don't want to sometimes and there is no use in complaining because it doesn't change anything. Also, I have friends who will be texting me score updates throughout the night. I realize it's not the same, but it's all I have to work with.
Yesterday was my day off! I hung out with Kara and when she went into work I ran a few errands, but then.... I did nothing all afternoon. This whole doing nothing thing is now a foreign concept to me, so that was wonderful for a change.
Also, isn't that one point of having a summer vacation? Shouldn't it be a time in which you do nothing? It is, after all, important to sleep in, rest your body, take time to think, and reboot for the week ahead. So, I need to sleep more... that is all.