Timing

When will things ever fall into place? I keep praying that God will reveal his plans to me. He has a serious sense of humor when it comes to relationships in my life. Yes, I’m finally resolving to dive into the topic I've been avoiding like the plague-- I'm referring to my relationships, which make up a significant part of any person's life, and which I have avoided mentioning up until now because I have felt like they should remain private. However, I can't discuss the past week without just admitting that is what I'm referring to here.

I am anxious. I wish I knew the end of my story. When I first pick up a novel I am always tempted to cheat and look ahead to the ending. I'm also a little mushy and admit that I like the happy endings. In my life, I want to fast forward into the future and see what God has in store for me. Like any good novel I know it will have its twists and turns, ups and downs, zigs, and zags... etc. However, also like any good novel, I know the ending is going to be amazing because God has written more "best sellers" than J.K. Rowling...

So, I'm listening for His voice and waiting for His hand to turn me in the right direction. Maybe this is some way for my will and heart to both be strengthened? I must at least try to take this opportunity to learn some patience and open my ears in order to listen in Him. That is all.

Thinking.... But Not Over Doing It

It's funny how often people have a tendency to over think what should be the rather simple. I am guilty of this myself. I worry about the things I can't even control to the point of thinking how to avoid tragedy. The irony in this is that most of the things I get myself stressed over, surprise, surprise... NEVER HAPPEN. Often we want to say this is a "girl thing" and the female sex is guilty of overanalyzing far more often than men. I would like to make an argument against this accusation because stereotypes are just so overrated. We are all guilty of this whether we want to fess up to it or not.
As I continue to add to the list of things I want to work on this semester-- over thinking is moving up on the list. I pledge to never over think anything ever again... okay let's be a little more realistic. I will try my best to cut back on over thinking things, especially the things I cannot control.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change those I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

...that is all.

Give me a break

Yes, it's sad but I must admit the kit-kat jingle came to mind as I was thinking of how to title this blog post. This weekend I have done nothing productive. I am currently in Ohio and every day I have slept in and lounged the majority of the day just relaxing and almost falling asleep. Yesterday I even too a little nap... for about 2 hours. However, the Sunday afternoon nap is tradition and there's just something about getting up going to church, sitting through the service (usually thinking about how the singing might be improved; I am guilty) and thinking about lunch as soon as the final prayer ends, then eating a ridiculous amount of food and crashing. I mean it just isn't Sunday if this routine is not strictly enforced.
Now, I don't have any classes today and part of me was tempted to get a head start of the week ahead and maybe even next week. However, after careful consideration I have changed my mind. I never go a weekend without doing homework, so I'm taking this time to do nothing. However, in all this relaxation I do want to remember why I have this time.
Martin Luther King Jr. was a great man, and today we need to remember all the good that he did on behalf of the civil rights movement. Take a moment to honor this great man today... that is all.

A&F Blues

Some days I love my job, others.. well you know. Yesterday as I walked into work I was in a good mood. This is surprising because all day I had been dreading it and was somehow hoping that I would need to attend to an emergency of some kind and get out of it. However, I was not that fortunate. A shocking thing happened though when I got there... I decided to make the best of it and have a good time, which is what you should always do at your job and if that's impossible for you to do then maybe you need a new job. (Just a thought...) As I begin to joke around and challenge my fellow co-workers to fold-offs I saw an opportunity. EVERYONE was just in a bad mood. I started to get torn down myself then had to stop, step back, and rethink the situation. (This is something new I've been trying, the whole take a step back, breathe, evaluate the situation then see what you can do to improve it.) I began to get annoyed. Didn't these people know I was in a good mood and they were killing it? How selfish... of me. I had been given a gift, or rather, an opportunity to cheer these people up. So, that's what I did for the 5 hours I was with them. I have no idea how successful I really was, but I do know that for a short period of time they got to be amused by my ridiculous antics and, hopefully, forget whatever was going on in their lives outside of A&F to make them so melancholy. My overall challenge is three-fold (for all you Friends fans out there...) 1.) Don't let others tear you down, inside use it as a chance to lift them up 2.) Make the best of any situation you find yourself 3.) Have fun and enjoy life whenever you have an opportunity, and sometimes you have to make your own opportunities.... that is all.

Look Like A Teacher

You know that phrase if it looks like an apple, tastes like an apple, and feels like an apple then it's probably an apple? (Or something like that... haha) Well I was thinking about it today because I got some "teaching clothes" in the mail today. They were a belated Christmas present; which is nice because who doesn't love getting mail? However, I stray though from my point-- I tried them on, threw on my high heels and twisted my hair sticking it into place with a few bobby pins then looked in the mirror hoping to look at least 19 or 20. I usually look about 16 or 17 and that's never a good thing when you step in front of a room full of high school juniors or seniors and demand their attention... Looking over my outfit I shuddered... "Did I look like a teacher?" I couldn't help but wonder. Are my mannerisms sophisticated enough to pull off teaching "punk" 18 year olds in my honors class. I fear that as I start this next student teaching practicum the students might have more content knowledge than me! How am I going to pull this one off? Am I ready to be an adult? It's a journey and this is just the next step I need to take.

Side not, but it fits nicely... I was talking to a friend from work last week about outlandish metaphors, and we were trying to come up with enough to write a book... (I have no idea how, but it was actually quite funny in the moment.) In all our banter he said one that stuck...
"Walking is like building stairs. You have to do it one step at a time." (Thanks Sam) So, pray that I just take this journey one step at a time and remember this when I' starting to get too stressed.... that is all.

Growing Up

Today was a day for self-reflection. In a nutshell, I have not been really happy with certain areas of my life for awhile now, and today it really hit me. I have wanted to blame the people around me instead of talking responsibility for myself. Then it hit me, if I'm the one with the problems maybe it's not everyone else, maybe, just maybe, it's me who needs to make a change. Something I've always struggled with is admitting when I'm wrong and although I've gotten a little better over the past few years, I still have a long way to go. So, here I am admitting I've been wrong... a lot. I need to grow up and start being more of an adult. I need to be less selfish and start thinking about how what I say or do affects others. This is just a glimpse at the thoughts that are plagueing my mind right now, but I'm praying about it. I will continue to pray about it, and I do ask for your prayers too. It's a lifelong journey, but I have to make en effort to start somewhere, here I go...

time

“Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.” - Theophrastus

I admit I completely stole this quote from Brandon's website, but I read it and couldn't help but think it was worth stealing. I mention it now because of a conversation I had just last night when a friend said, "I don't believe in 'I don't have enough time for that' because we make time for the things that are important to us."
This got me to thinking how right he was in this statement. Over the past 3 1/2 years of my college career I have always stayed busy juggling 18+ credit hours, working, spending time with friends and family, etc. and it can be overwhelming. But, I'd like to think that when push comes to shove and I have to prioritize, people come first. I'm sure there have been exceptions to this, but if one of my friends really needs me I always manage to find the time. I stay up all night, give up on studying, or even forgo food (gasp) if I have a friend in need. I have never once regretted getting a lower grade on a test or paper or having to drink some extra coffee because I did not get enough sleep because I spent too much time with a person.
As I enter the final months of my college career I think back and smile at some of the wonderful experiences I've had because of the wonderful people in my life. My challenge to anyone who actually reads this (haha) is to think were you put your time because that will show you who or what you find most important.

1st day back

My alarm went off far too early this morning, 7:07 a.m. I rolled over and hit the snooze a few times and just thought to myself, "Wow, I'm going to have to get better at waking up if I'm going to be a teacher the rest of my life." A thought that has loomed over me for years...
First class of the semester: Pluralism with Anne Nichols. She has far too much energy for 8a.m. and I knew this going in because I had her last semester in the exact same time slot for American Writers. I will say this though; she does dress adorably. These are the things I tend to notice in younger teachers since I soon will be one myself and am trying to collect more "adult clothing" to teach in. It's funny how many of my outfits have evolved over the past 4 years. A cute dress I used to often wear to church now paired with a cardigan is my "teacher look" according to my friends. Before I declared my major it was simply a dress....
My second class of the day was Foundations of Education with Mr. Dawson. This is my fourth semester in a row of having him. Lindsay has him three classes in a row this semester... (I think she might have a crush). He is the essence of organization. I have never meet a professor who has better time management skills in my 3 1/2 years of college.
As I left this class I found myself walking with Lindsay to assembly and felt this wave of sadness. I'm a big nerd, but I couldn't help but think this is the last "first day of classes" for me. Sure, I have student teaching in the fall, but that's a whole new thing. I think about my brother who began teaching first graders today and shutter when I realize in a year's time that will be me and I'll be "Ms. Johnson". Weird!
My thought for the day: I'm not going to dwell on all the "last times" instead I want to embrace them and enjoy my last real semester of college. We often spend far too much time worrying and getting stressed over school that we seem to forget to enjoy it (Although, there are those who enjoy it too much too. haha) I want to find a good balance this year between school, work, and friends and begin to make the transition into the future. Also, when in doubt look to God, He's got things under control.

57 years

My grandma is one of my favorite people. She's not your typical sugary sweet grandma who is always baking cookies and pinching your cheeks. (I'm not even sure if those exist or you just see them in movies.) She's sarcastic and sharp as a tack. I know, I know... I had to get my sarcastic side from someone...
Anyways, I digress... I mention her because today is her 57th anniversary, and she's been bringing it up most any chance she can get for about a month now. I have this weird memory (that is completely useless in real life) to recall dates. Birthdays, anniversaries, dates of any sort of significance (and many of no significance what-so-ever) have a way of staying lodged in my mind forever. So, I have no idea why she feels the need to remind me of things, but she does. Therefore, I feel the need to pretend I have no idea what she's hinting about whenever she brings up her birthday or anniversary. I am however a good granddaughter who remembers to call her on all these special occasions. This morning I hugged her at church and told her "Happy Anniversary" and promised to swing by her house on my way back to school.
At 2:47 this afternoon I found myself driving down the street and pulling into her driveway. A place of familiarity since she has lived there are long as I've been on this planet.
It is the home in which my father grew up, and I still can picture him and my two uncles running around the yard and jumping through the sprinkler. It always makes me smile. Stepping through the door I am often greeted by my grandma sitting at her kitchen table watching a game show and tackling a crossword puzzle. She always seems to have a sort of scowl on her face, but I know she is one of the most loving women I have had the pleasure of knowing.
Today, I also had the pleasure of being greeted by my grandpa and uncle who were also sitting with her. I tell my grandpa "happy anniversary" and make a snide comment about how impressive it is that he's lasted 57 years with my grandma without going crazy. (I shutter to think my grandchild will make the same joke about me 60 years from now...) And next I hand them a card which is sappy and I know will make my grandma smile. (She loves the pretty cards with the calligraphy words.)
Soon it is just the two of us, me and my grandma, sitting at the table. I pull out a deck of cards and her cribbage board and we do what we always do, play cards. (And I ALWAYS have to win) The conversation soon picked up and I told her how amazing it was that she was still so in love with my grandpa after all these years. When I see them look at each other or my grandpa playfully tease my grandma, there it is. That look in their eyes, the sparkle that I see between my parents too. They are even more in love now after 57 years of marriage. Meaning thousands of fights, compromises, disagreements, kisses, hugs, angry words, loving words etc. later they have just fallen harder for each other in a world where the chances of a marriage surviving can be decided with the flip of a coin, heads or tails, only 50% of marriages last.
I see them and know... that's what I want my marriage to be like. God has a special guy picked out for me, who will look at me like that 50+ years down the road. I just know it...that is all.

It Starts...

I have always refused to start a blog. This is simply due to the fact that I did not want it to become one of those "Dear Diary" things where I wrote in it consistantly for a week or two then never touched it again. However, I'm going to conform to the trend that started years ago and just see how I manage.
So, it seems appropriate to start with the whole it's another new year, 2008, and what my resolutions are going to be for the next year of my life. I've never been too serious about resolutions. I always ponder a few possible ideas and try to make one, but it's never something like: lose weight (that would be ridiculous in my case), make more money (I'm going into education, clearly this isn't something I'm too concerned about), or quit smoking or drinking (I'd have to start one of those habbits in order to quit). Instead I like to take this opportunity to try and improve my spiritual walk in some way, shape, or form.
I know what you're thinking, I'm corny and even a tad bit trite. I'll be the first to admit it sounds that way. God is the most important aspect of my life though. He is the one part of my life that is always constant.
In the past year I look back and realize so many things have happened. The plans I had laid out for myself could not be further from the way things have turned out. So "Thank God for Unanswered Prayers" (Yes, I'm stealing much of my blogging material from the titles of country congs, thanks Garth) In the past year I have lost friends and gained new ones and thanks to Tracy Lawrence I've "found out who my real friends are..."
The past year was by far the hardest one I have gone through. It was also one of the best! It's true that nothing worth having does not come without a fight, pain, or loss. So, it is 2008. I will graduate college at the end of this year and be thrown out into the "real world" of hopefully teaching high school students the rest of my life. This year I hope to grow in the Lord. My goal is to give up all the things I worry about and stress over to Him because I'm pretty sure He can handle it. That is all...